Doing Martha Work with a Mary Heart

The other morning, I woke up a few minutes before my alarm sounded. In that moment of quiet, I immediately started going through my mental checklist for the day. I considered my schedule and my responsibilities, furiously attempting to figure out where every task fit and how it was going to get done.

It turned out this pre-alarm wake-up call was divinely inspired. While I normally would have jumped out of bed, God instead kept me still long enough to bring something to my attention—a bothersome something.

As I mentally surveyed my listful of tasks, I noticed that not a single one had anything to do with connection with him or with any of the humans in my life. Oh, there were plenty of tasks for humans, things like “fill out son’s field trip form” and “finalize daughter’s ballet outfit.” And others were for Jesus; tasks like “get study material ready” and “buy groceries for community group” would serve his people. But though the list had a whole lot of for, it had no with. Not one part of it would make me pause and really see God. Or really see my family. Or really love anybody very well.

A very gentle but firm thought from God came into my mind: You are never going to live by what’s really important unless you bring me this list first.

I looked in my mind’s eye again and realized he was right. The entire list was also about doing and getting, running and checking, speeding along from one little task to the next.

I had woken up all Martha.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38–42 NIV)

Mary and Martha—the famous sisters who have long been pitted against each other for their competing roles and objects of affection. The conversation around their story almost always slates them as the good girl and the not-good girl. The spiritual one and the mess. The physical incarnation of the long competing prizefighters of womanhood. And somehow we always hope the super pious one knocks out the other.

But you know what that leaves us with? Yet another battered woman.

I think we can do better than pitting women against each other, even biblical ones. Something of value can be learned from each of these sisters. Let’s take a closer look.

The language in this story is interesting. Martha is a bit off track in terms of her emotions and priorities. The passage indicates that she’s “distracted” and “worried.” She has also taken to letting Jesus know that the current situation is not going the “right” way and telling him what to do about it. Gracious, do I see myself in her sometimes.

While Martha could obviously stand to adjust a thing or two, she isn’t evil, and we miss the mark if we label her as such. Martha is just a woman who’s trying to get it all done, like so many of us are. Many times I have skipped right over the opening scene where we see a little glimpse of Martha’s heart—“a woman named Martha opened her home…” Martha is a woman of hospitality. She’s a woman of welcome who opened her home to Jesus and others, hoping to serve them. Martha did what so many of us do when we want to love people.

The other thing we sometimes miss is the way Jesus describes what Martha’s sister, Mary, has chosen. He says she has chosen what is “better.” Nowhere does he say that Martha’s tasks and desire to serve are inherently “bad”; he just uses his words to point out that Martha’s focus and priorities are misaligned. Unfortunately, when we read these verses, we too often hear a frustrated voice from our Savior, as if he were saying, “Why can’t you get your priorities straight, lady? You don’t spend enough time with me!”

Let’s not put words in Jesus’s mouth. And let’s not take on guilt and shame that has us hanging our heads. Let’s just figure out how to do our Martha work with a Mary heart.

I’ve noticed that one kind reprimand from Jesus has led to a new routine that now starts many of my mornings. The Martha in me is a hard-charging soul, and usually she continues to be the first one to greet me. However, rather than taking her hand and poring over the tasks of the day, we instead walk ourselves over to the feet of Jesus and lay that list at his feet. We take a few minutes to let him add things, or even take them away, but most importantly, he helps us to see him and his people on the list so we can love both him and them better.

Give God your list for the day and watch what he does with it. And with you. And with Martha. And with Mary. He loves all of us. Psalm 5:3 can inspire us in this: “O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch” (ESV).

Anne Rulo is an author, speaker, professional counselor, marriage and family therapist and veteran coaches wife. She and her husband Tim have two children and are passionate about reaching people for Christ and sharing information on coaching, marriage, family, and mental health. Read more from Anne at www.annerulo.com.

Photograph © Cathryn Lavery, used with permission