When You’re Not Sure of God’s Goodness
I thought it was a bunch of trash at first, just a pile of papers and rags lying on the sidewalk. People walked past, stepping carefully around it. As we got closer, I saw the curve of a head, dark hair spinning out like a hurricane around a cowlick at the crown. It was a baby, no more than six months old, lying still, silent, and alone in the middle of downtown Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Because of Cambodian law, but against my own nature, I left it there. That fuzzy swirl of wispy black hair will forever be in my heart; it will always leave an ache.
Our team had been out all night, partnering with an NGO that ministers to kids caught in sex and labor trafficking. Not surprisingly, pedophiles are thick in the streets once it gets dark. Seeing a need for kids to have safe adults with them at night, the young staff members proposed and organized a nighttime rotation to keep more kids safe.
As we returned to our hotel, the leaders took us down street 136, a hotbed for trafficking and prostitution. The culture in Cambodia has made paying for sex so commonplace that few efforts are made to hide it. Women sit outside bars, waiting to take someone back to the hourly “guest house” they’re renting.
As we walked down the street, my heart broke for the things seen and unseen happening all around us. I asked God where in the world he was, because I was struggling to see him in that place. Where are you?! I certainly don’t see you here! My heart was crying, and my eyes were beginning to brim with tears.
As doubt crept in, one of the little boys who attended the night ministry ran up to us. He was thrilled to see the staff again, this time in the place he was working. He chatted with them and enjoyed the extra time he got to spend with his teachers. As I witnessed this interaction, I felt God say, I’m here. You might have to look a little harder or from a new perspective, but I hear and see what’s happening. I’m not going anywhere. Trust me.
I don’t know the boy’s name or his story, but I do know he was loved and welcomed by a team of people God had organized and anointed for the purpose of caring for him and showing him the love of Jesus. The love they poured out on the boy and every child they met up with was the life-changing kind—Christlike. It was the kind that spreads, changing communities and cultures, the kind that would pick babies up from sidewalks if they could.
That moment, and many more moments throughout the week, helped me to understand that we can believe God when he says he is good. A lot of bad is in the world; we must only watch the nightly news to discover how truly horrible humanity can be. However, circumstances on earth don’t change anything in heaven. God is good no matter what. In his infinite goodness, he sent Jesus to be murdered by us and to rescue us anyway.
Nahum 1:7 says “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him” (ESV). Trouble, though not as extreme as for others, is not absent from my life. I’m guessing it isn’t absent from yours either. It’s crucial for us to ask God to be our stronghold, to show us his goodness when we’re spinning in circles down here and can’t see anything that resembles him.
It’s easy to talk about the goodness of God when things are good; it’s a challenge when your kid is fighting cancer or is born too early. It’s harder to look up at God when you’re looking down at a loved one’s hospital bed.
No prescription exists for receiving the goodness of God. I can’t recommend the perfect Bible study or prayer. I just know that, lately, when I’ve told God that I’m questioning him, he’s reassured me that despite my world being off its axis, he’s very much present—and so is his goodness. I believe God is big enough to handle all my doubts, so I tried being honest about them. It’s never pretty; flowery words are hard to come by when the people you love are grieving but you can’t help.
What would happen if we all chose to spend a week focused on God’s goodness? Don’t leave the rest out—all his attributes are equally present and important! But focus on his goodness. When something unpleasant or even devastating happens, remember that he is good, that he is working things out for your good. It might not seem like it now, and you might not even see the outcome in your lifetime, but his goodness isn’t limited to our clocks and calendars. We don’t get to tell him what’s good and what isn’t. We just get to believe him when he says he’s good and rest in that promise.
If the world is swirling around you today, and you feel alone, abandoned on the sidewalk, cry out to him. Tell him you know he’s good because he says so—and because he’s always faithful.
A few weeks ago I received a newsletter from the director of the NGO. The Cambodian government has asked the organization to potentially begin housing babies and toddlers in addition to caring for the kids and teens who attend their centers and street ministries. I know God is good because I’ve seen it. It’s my stronghold.
is a full-time Army wife and mom, and an occasional teacher of first graders. She is an unapologetic follower of Jesus and the University of North Carolina Tar Heels. Becky holds a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education from UNC, and dreams of writing a book. She blogs at beckyyurisich.com.
Photograph © Densou, used with permission
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