Are You Blowing a Whistle?

Recently a friend invited my three children and me to her five-year-old’s birthday party. The kids had a blast jumping on the blow-up bouncy house she’d rented and eating cupcakes, and they were sad when it was time to leave. On the way out, the children were given party favor bags filled with stickers, coloring pages, and . . . whistles.

Whistles! I exclaimed inwardly. I thought she was my friend. Why would she give my children whistles? Why is she punishing me?

My friend has three children of her own, so she has to know that three whistles constantly blowing is not only ear piercing but obliterates all sanity. Luckily, it was my kids’ naptime after the party, and the whistles “mysteriously” disappeared.

Proverbs 27:15 states, “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike” (ESV). As I write this, we don’t have rain, but snow is melting and constantly dripping into my gutters. I know the author was trying to make the point that a nagging wife is obnoxious, but honestly, I find the dripping soothing. If I were to write my version of that verse, it would would state, “Children continually blowing whistles and a nagging wife are alike.”

The verse made me ask myself, Am I being obnoxious by blowing the whistle at my husband too much? I don’t play sports anymore, but I imagine this would be like a referee blowing the whistle on every tiny infraction. The players would quit the game out of frustration.

A friend told me she recently tried to check in on her husband regarding an area where he struggles with temptation. He had admitted his sin to her years ago. He was repentant and made himself accountable to a group of Christian men. Every few months, she asked him how he was doing, to which he always responded with a vague but positive, “Really good.” This time she questioned him a little further, and he responded defensively, “You are not my accountability partner. I already have one.” Oh.

She asked me how I would respond to that. I asked if she believed her husband still had a repentant heart and was seeking Christ. She said yes. Then I asked, “Do you think it’s beneficial if he admits his every infraction to you?” We had to ponder this one together, and we determined that it was not.

As our husbands’ “helpers” (see Genesis 2:18), we want to encourage them to grow in Christ, but ultimately, God is their accountability partner. When trust has been broken in the relationship, there’s nothing wrong with asking questions and keeping tabs on each other. However, my friend quickly learned that constantly concerning herself about her husband’s sin life was a burden she was never meant to carry. She had to decide if she would give release him to God in prayer or become physically sick with bitterness and worry.

In the powerful movie War Room, the wise, elderly Miss Clara advises the young wife, “You need to plead with God to do what only he can do. And then you need to get out of the way and let him do it.” Instead of guilt-tripping and nagging, we need to be still and know that God is who he says he is (Psalm 46:10). The Holy Spirit is all-knowing and all-powerful. He is just, and he disciplines those he loves (Hebrews 12:6). He is much better at being the Holy Spirit than we are. Our constant whistle blowing could hinder our husband’s ability to hear the Holy Spirit.

Another dear friend of mine was continually disappointed because she never saw her husband read his Bible or pray. She later realized that she needed to trust that the Holy Spirit was working in his heart and mind, even though she couldn’t see it. She came to understand that it would be more productive for her to pray for her husband’s spiritual growth than to nag him about being a spiritual leader for their family.

Instead of constantly blowing the whistle at our husbands, let’s pray for them. God will keep them accountable, but he is also keeping us accountable. It takes a bit of humility, but I dare you to ask God, How can I be a better wife to my husband? Could it be that instead of whistle blowing for minor infractions, you should be praying for God to continue working on your husband’s heart?

My go-to Bible verses in this regard include:

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23 NKJV)
We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19 NIV)
He says, “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10 NIV)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy [about your husband*]—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Audrey Guerne has sanctification in overdrive thanks to her three young children ages 4, 3, and 1. She and her husband of six years are working out their salvation with fear, trembling, and laughter. In her writing, Audrey preaches to herself and invites others to learn from her mistakes and be pointed to the cross. She can be found under the handle Peanut Butter Waffle Mom at AudreyGuerne.Wordpress.com.