Are You Motivated by Love?

All my life I’ve had an internal drive to be the best and do it all in order to be considered valuable. This drive has often manifested as perfectionism. In school I strove to receive the top grades and most accolades, earning the title of valedictorian in both high school and college. I participated in as many activities and clubs as I could. I tried to be a loyal and faithful friend, a loving and pleasing daughter, a diligent and dependable worker, and anything else I thought was expected of me. These pursuits aren’t necessarily bad, but the motivation behind them was. I was fueled by fear of rejection, ridicule, failure, and imperfection. I was afraid if I wasn’t all the things, I would be nothing. I thought I’d be rejected because I’d lack worth.

For so long I’ve felt the need to prove my worthiness. I was afraid if I didn’t measure up in some area, I would lose acceptance and love. I’ve been afraid of others thinking I’m not a good Christian (whatever that means). I’ve been afraid of being labeled a bad friend, student, wife, and mother. I’ve been continuously concerned that something I do or fail to do will bring judgment on me.

Finding Freedom

God’s recently begun asking me to trust that his love and acceptance of me are inherent, that they can’t be lost or forfeited no matter what I do or don’t do. It’s hard for me to accept that there’s no work to be done on my part, but I’m slowly taking steps to believe this, and it’s starting to free me.

I’m learning that I don’t have to be motivated by fear, that I can be motivated instead by love. I’m loved regardless of whether I make good choices or bad choices. I can act selfishly or decline to help others and not be less valued or accepted. I can also love others out of the unconditional love I’m finally allowing myself to receive. Previously, this felt too good to be true. There’s always a catch to something that appears to be free, but this time there’s not. I can mess up, fall short, or fail, but God will still love me just as much. I can succeed, show compassion, and sacrifice for others, but still not have earned anything. I already have unconditional love and approval from God.

I don’t have to strive or work. I can just be. I can allow myself to be fully authentic, flaws and all, and not let the opinions of others consume me because I already possess the only approval I need (Galatians 1:10). I no longer have to pretend to be a perfect person.

I’ve known for a long time that I’m unconditionally loved and accepted by God, but I haven’t lived that way. The head knowledge hadn’t transferred to my heart. Now it’s finally sinking in, and I’m beginning to experience the freedom I’ve always had access to but couldn’t figure out how to possess. I’m grateful for God’s continued pursuit of me to show me that I can’t earn or lose his love.

I’m so grateful that this truth has finally penetrated my heart and provided me with a taste of the freedom God offers. I want to continue to walk out the truth that I’m unconditionally loved and accepted. I still need help to lay down my concern for others’ approval, but this is the year of really trying to live in the reality of being a completely loved and accepted child of God.

Three Strategies for Remembering God’s Love

Do you also struggle with fully believing that you’re unconditionally loved and accepted by God? Do you live in the truth that you don’t have to do anything to earn it nor can you lose it?

One thing that helps me grasp this concept of unconditional love is to look at my relationships with my children. They’re not perfect children (nor am I a perfect parent), but I love them, and I will always love them, regardless of their behavior. My kids don’t have to earn my love. They are secure in their relationship with me, and they don’t fear losing my love if they mess up. If I can have love and acceptance for my children simply because they are part of my family, how much more must God have for his children!

Looking back over my own childhood, I never felt that I had to earn my parents’ love, but I still had that internal drive to make them proud. I think the Enemy distorted this desire to please into something tied to others’ acceptance of me.

Another wonderful resource for helping me feel God’s love is listening to songs that speak the truth about my identity as a child of God. Several I’ve especially enjoyed are “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury, “How He Loves” by David Crowder Band, “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music, and “You Say” by Lauren Daigle. Remember songs that have encouraged you and listen to them when you feel yourself losing confidence in your position as a child of God.

A third thing that has helped me is choosing to believe God’s Word. The Bible reassures me that God will never abandon me or give up on me (Psalm 94:14). It reminds me that he did the work required to reconcile our relationship before my heart was even turned toward him (Romans 5:8). The Bible says that from God’s lavish love, he made me his child (1 John 3:1). I’m faced with the truth that  God’s grace has made me enough, nothing that I could possibly do (Ephesians 2:4–5). Most of all, God’s Word reminds me that fear and love cannot mutually exist (1 John 4:18). If I’m living in fear, then I’m not living in God’s love.

Praise the Lord that our worthiness comes from Jesus and not ourselves! May the realization of our status as beloved children of God turn our hearts toward God and others in exuberant joy and gratitude.

Megan Byrd is an author, blogger, and SAHM. She lives with her husband, two children, and cat in Georgia. Megan likes to read, travel, exercise, attend cultural events, and learn. She blogs at meganbyrd.net.

Photograph © Rod Long, used with permission