Releasing Self-Judgment
Standing in the hallway of my school on a break during a professional development day for new teachers, I listened to the nurse navigator from the Breast Care Center as she relayed the news by phone: “You have cancer.”
I called my husband. I knew I had others to call as well, but I needed to get back. I returned to the classroom and went through the motions for the remainder of the day. In my mind, though, I was asking, Why me? Why now?
Then the self-judging took over. I didn’t smoke. I didn’t drink. I ran half-marathons. I ate nutritious foods. I’d lost fifty pounds in three years and maintained a healthy weight. I’d had annual check-ups, and I felt better than ever. So what had I done to get cancer?
In 1 John 3:19–20, John tells us, “By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything” (ESV). Instead of trusting that God had allowed this illness and had a plan for my life, I judged myself and my journey. It’s easy to do and difficult to stop. Lately, I’ve been thinking more about judgment and ways and reasons to release it. Releasing judgment is an ongoing process I cycle in and out of.
When we judge ourselves, we bring more stress and suffering to our lives, believing we’re not doing enough, being enough, and so on. We tell ourselves what we should or should not do. Judgment comes from the fear that we’re not worthy. However, because of Christ, we are worthy—worthy of his love for us. When we surrender ourselves to Jesus, we can find inner peace and freedom from judgment. We can be bold and confident, knowing that we’re safe and secure as his children. We are created in God’s image and pleasing in his sight.
How do we release judgment?
First and foremost, we acknowledge that God is in control. We don’t need all the answers. We might not understand what’s happening to us or why, but we can feel protected and release judgment knowing someone mightier than we are is in charge. We might not understand the timing of a challenging season either, but knowing God is in control brings comfort and helps us release judgment. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time” (NIV).
Instead of focusing on our own goals and a specific plan of our own making, we can remain flexible and open-minded, accepting of ourselves and the plan God has for us. When we avoid fixating on our notion of what our lives are meant to be, we can remember why we’ve been created. First John 4:8 reminds us that God is love, and we know he created us so we can enjoy him, love him, and praise him for all that he is and all he has done. There’s no reason for us to fear when we can choose love. In choosing love over fear, we practice compassion and remember that compassion and judgment cannot co-exist.
We can pray and meditate on God’s Word. During my battle with cancer, I consistently reminded myself that I could choose joy in my journey, even when it was tough. Several verses from Isaiah resonated with me then and continue to offer solace now, including Isaiah 49:13: “Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones” (NIV). If Christ has compassion for us, shouldn’t we also have compassion for ourselves?
Self-compassion is healthier than self-judgment. We can treat ourselves with kindness, caring, and compassion just like we would treat someone else. Instead of critiquing ourselves and everything we do, we can accept that we are human, that we fail and make mistakes. But despite all that, we are loved. When we choose to be kind to ourselves, to love ourselves, and to suspend judgment of ourselves and our situation, the anxiety associated with physical illness subsides.
In the cycle in and out of self-judgment, there’s no need to dwell on the negative or to beat ourselves up when we fall off track. Rather, we can accept the situation for what it is, request forgiveness, and move forward, releasing judgment.
is a reader, writer, runner, and teacher. She is passionate about living well, choosing joy, and embracing life-long learning. As an educator and activist for eradicating inequities in our world, Renee believes access to quality education is a right for everyone. Renee lives in Lexington, Kentucky with her husband and two teenaged sons. Connect with her at Learning to Muse.
Photograph © Quan Le, used with permission
