Do the Next Thing

My husband, Ben, and I recently needed to sell two houses, both purchased prior to our meeting each other and just before the housing bubble burst in 2008. We were also simultaneously renovating a 1966 fixer-upper to move into once our other houses sold. This was a crazy-busy time for us, our three young children, and our two dogs, one of whom eats library books on the regular.

During this chaotic time, one of my dearest friends asked me how in the world I was coping. I laughed, wondering if I was. It’s not as if the rest of life takes a hiatus while you play real-life Monopoly. I realized, though, that what did help us cope was telling ourselves, Just do the next thing on the list. Repaint the front door. Finish caulking the trim. Clean out the garage. Repair the tile. If we dwelled on everything we were trying to accomplish, we grew overwhelmed and discouraged. But if we told ourselves, Okay, just get to the next task on the list, then we kept going, trusting that in the end all our work would add up to two houses ready for the market and a third ready to occupy.

But if I’m honest, I have to admit I’ve wanted to quit at times when not even thinking about the payoff motivated me. How many times did I cry out to Ben, “I’m done!” as I walked through depression? I felt as though I had nothing left in me, no more internal resources, to fight that battle. It was my way of giving myself permission to protest. I don’t like how I feel. I don’t like how this is happening. I don’t want it to be this way anymore. I’m exhausted. This fight for my soul feels too big. But in that moment, I let the protest linger too long instead of embracing what my houses taught me: just focus on the next thing.

That “I’m done!” mindset can start to affect even small challenges. The dirty laundry that hasn’t been touched in a week? Maybe tomorrow. That work project that was due yesterday? I’ll ask for an extension. Our friend who’s having a rough time adjusting to motherhood? Maybe she hasn’t noticed that I haven’t called in two weeks. We “quit” small things by putting them on the “maybe tomorrow” shelf. And it’s not that any one of them is a big deal, but that when we think about the cumulative time, energy, and space they will all take to get done, we just want to throw up our hands and declare, “I’m done!”

The crux here, though, is that if we can learn to just do that one, small, next thing, then we’ll develop the discipline to face the next, bigger, harder thing.

Sometimes the stakes are higher than laundry, work projects, or whether we call a friend this week or next—like the marathon I’m running as a mama with a son who has special needs. Just before Reed’s first birthday, we learned he has a rare genetic disorder. We immediately started grieving the life we thought we would have with him, and we soon realized that raising Reed would require extra-hard work, prompt tears, and ask us to accept unanswered questions. I remember sitting on the futon in our basement completely overwhelmed by the enormity of this new reality and thinking I want to quit when we hadn’t even really started. This was not the dream I’d had for my family.

But we’re called to a life where we don’t give up. By the grace of God, I will persevere. I’m going to do the next thing, not by grit and self-sufficiency, but by tenderly leaning into Jesus and asking him what’s the next thing I need to do. Sometimes I’m distracted by circumstances far down the road, like wondering if Ben and I will ever be empty nesters or if we’ll be our son’s caretakers for the rest of our lives. Honestly, selfishly, that makes it hard to want to get out of bed some mornings.

But here’s the next thing I know I need to do. On March 13 I’ll show up for a meeting, where Ben and I will advocate for our son’s educational needs so he’ll have the best shot at becoming the most independent version of himself. I’m going to do this next thing, and by the grace of God I’ll not give up. I’m stepping forward in faith. I’m trusting I have everything I need to advocate effectively for Reed.

We’re led by a God who tells us to be courageous! Focus on today instead of worrying about tomorrow and what lies beyond. Focusing on just the next thing keeps us from giving up. It also keeps us humble because we realize we have no guarantees for tomorrow and because these momentary afflictions are making us more and more into the image of Christ. We can also learn to trust that persevering through these painful circumstances will lead to a hope that does not disappoint.

Perhaps not quitting and doing the next thing is what helps us view circumstances in light of eternity. I don’t have everything I need to solve all the major problems I’ll ever face or to make all the crucial decisions I’ll ever need to make or to manage all the crises I’ll ever have to walk through. But I do have everything I need to do the next thing today as I anticipate an eternity with no more tears and a child with a fully restored body, in the presence of the one who is with me through each of the days he’s given me.

Allison Byxbe is a writer, blogger, and occasional college professor. She lives with her husband, three kiddos, and dogs Nate and Jemma in South Carolina. When she’s not writing or teaching others to write, she enjoys hiking, making beeswax wraps, learning about natural health, taking road trips, and drinking the perfect latte. Allison loves to connect with others about family, special needs parenting, mental health, grief, and faith. Her writing has been featured on The Mighty and Her View from Home, and you can find more of it on her blog Writing Is Cheaper Than Therapy.

Photograph © Edu Lauton, used with permission