Ask for Help

I was on the phone with a friend the other night for two hours. I was facing a big deadline—800 words to be exact—but I also knew that my friend needed me. Her situation is probably not unlike yours in some way or another. She’s facing family struggles, a relative’s death, indecision about her future, conflict with a coworker, a recent move, and the abrupt loss of a community she’d been part of for over a year.

She was devastated. She’d been crying for days, sleeping a lot, and reading her Bible voraciously. For many of us, just one of those situations alone would take us out, but she’s got it all simultaneously. Poor sunshine—what a load to carry! She’s feeling uncertain which way to turn, and doesn’t trust herself to make any decision well right now.

Do you relate? Do you have days when you can’t hold back tears? Do you have days when you wonder why it seems everything is falling apart at once? Do you ever feel helpless, hopeless or uncertain? Do you feel like staying in your room, apartment, house, or bed, to never come out again?

I’ve been there, too. And I shared a few of those times with my friend. The time a coworker gave me harsh feedback during a peer review and I cried for three hours afterward (and questioned my vocation). The time a friend spoke unkind words and it caused a rift in our relationship for years. The time I had to move across country with my husband and three kids—1500 miles away from all our family and friends, and I was sad and lonely.

So what do we do when we don’t know where to turn and we feel as if no one understands our plight—or us, for that matter? How do we find hope when our world feels out of control?

Seek Out Your Truth Speakers.

One way I navigate my hard times is by reaching out to my truth speakers. Truth speakers are the people who will tell you what you need to hear, even when it’s not easy or you don’t want to hear it. They are the people who meet you in the dark and fling open the closet doors to remind you that the Boogieman isn’t real and that God is bigger than your fears. They are also safe people you can trust and confide in.

We all need people who will speak into our lives when we seem to be spiraling and feel like we have no discernment left. These are the times when you should not try to go it alone. People who climb Mount Everest don’t go alone; they bring a Sherpa, or guide, with them, who helps carry their load. That’s what your truth speakers are—flashlights illuminating your darkened path so you can find your way again.

Ask for Help.

As a traveling speaker and author of books about hard places, I’ve heard countless stories over the years about people’s hardships. One of the biggest issues I’ve heard about is that people feel alone in their trials. While that’s perfectly normal, one way to escape this feeling is to ask for what we need. People can’t read our minds; we have to let them know we need help.

In desperate times, we can reach out for help from counselors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, clergy, social workers, pastors, Bible study groups, mentors, or friends. (Or truth speakers!) We need to find a way to say, “I’m lonely, sad, or scared today. I need help.”

Asking for help isn’t easy. I get it. As the recipient of eleven weeks of prescribed bed rest with my third pregnancy and four back surgeries in six years—I get it.

During those early years of being in the thick of physical health trials, I allowed my pride, shame, and embarrassment to stand in the way of accepting the help of others. It was my husband who spoke truth to me at one point in the middle of that season, pulling me out of my mire of self-sufficiency (and self-pity). He reminded me that I was always happy to help others and if I didn’t allow them to help me in my time of need, I was robbing them of the joy of serving me. That perspective awoke me to the fact that people wanted to help me. Not only that but what choice did I have? Often, I couldn’t get out of bed, and I had small children to care for!

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. You are worth someone’s love and care. You have permission to take care of yourself and to have your needs met. Give yourself the same grace you would give a friend, or even the same advice you’d share as a truth speaker to someone else.

The other night my friend needed to be reminded of these important ways to navigate her hard place: to seek those who are safe and truthful and to ask for what she needs.

Are you facing divorce, illness, loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, a dry season in your faith, a difficult child or caring for an aging parent? Do you need the same reminder today in the middle of your hard place?

I’m here with you, cheering you on—you can get through this! But you have to be brave enough to ask for help and seek out truth speakers to walk alongside you. It’s a gift to others when you allow them to lighten your burden, even the smallest bit. It simply requires you to ask. And then to receive.

Sarah Beckman is a national speaker and author.  Her new book Hope in the Hard Places helps people walk through struggles with tangible help, biblical truth, and a heavy dose of hope.  She also wrote the bestselling book, Alongside: A Practical Guide for Loving your Neighbor in their Time of Trial. She and her husband live in Albuquerque, NM and have three grown children and a big white pup. For more information on books, speaking or to read her blog visit sarahbeckman.org.

Photograph © José González, used with permission