These Happy Golden Years

My father said something to me recently, words that have haunted many of my waking moments and caused me to seek the Lord when I wake with a pounding in my chest. Upon learning that he had been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver, my father bitterly decried the latter half of his life as “golden.”

“Golden for the doctors, maybe,” he said. “Is this what I’ve worked and saved for? To have all of my money go to pay for doctors and tests?”

That question stung, and I have pondered it many times over the past few months. Yes, I do believe that part of his outburst sprang from fear of his diagnosis. You see, for most of his life, my father was a carpenter. He was tough and hearty, the epitome of a man’s man, and he reveled in his strength. It allowed him to scale the highest scaffolding, to charge up ladders with bundles of roofing material on his back, and to swing a hammer with conviction and accuracy. To have that stripped away was both offensive and demoralizing.

But I also believe that deep down, my father regrets the choices that led to his condition. From a very early age, he took up habits that would develop into chains of frustration and addiction—shackles that would bind him even when doctors warned him of the consequences, even when he knew that to continue could cost him his life.

Mostly, I think he just wished he could have what we all yearn for—to spend our last years in peace and comfort, relaxing on some sunny beach.

But where do we get this image of the ideal retirement? What word or revelation has led us to believe that we are deserving, or dare I say, even entitled, to a peace-filled, pain-free end? God told us we would have trouble in this world. Why do we assume that those years after retirement wouldn’t count? Didn’t even Jesus’s closest supporters suffer both persecution and death? Before his crucifixion, Jesus told his followers that “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23) This doesn’t sound like a sunny day on the beach to me. Far from it!

Now, before I go further, let me just say that I despise the fact that there is dread and disease and death in the world. I hate that my dad is sick, and I break down in tears just about every time I think about the possibility of a world without him in it. But I have learned to understand and accept that this world is not without its trials, and sometimes, that includes suffering. It’s just hard to bear when that suffering affects the people we love most.

Thankfully, I have the comfort of knowing I have a heavenly Father who sees and understands my heartache. God does not delight in the afflictions of his people—quite the contrary. He is waiting for us to call upon him in our distress, waiting to supply our every need, to soothe our every fear, calm our every doubt. Best of all, he desires to walk alongside us even through the hardest and deepest of valleys. (Genesis 35:3) I think that’s because God wants to prove himself able . . . not just in the big things of everyday life, but in the secret things. The fearsome things. The things we dare not voice.

I hate liver disease. But praise God and hallelujah—so does he! And I can pray peace and comfort for my father. I can lift him up in faith, believing that my God is able and eager to meet his needs. I can look to Jesus, who said we would have trouble in this world, but then also boldly proclaimed, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

To this, I can only add . . . even so, Lord Jesus. Even so!

Elizabeth Ludwig is an accomplished speaker and teacher, often attending conferences where she lectures on editing for fiction writers, crafting effective novel proposals, and conducting successful editor/agent interviews. Book three in her popular Edge of Freedom series, Tide and Tempest, was named a finalist for the Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence. Elizabeth was also named a finalist in the 2015 Selah Awards for her novella “One Holy Night”, part of the bestselling anthology collection, Christmas Comes to Bethlehem, Maine. Most recently, she was honored to be awarded a HOLT Medallion for her book, A Tempting Taste of Mystery, part of the Sugarcreek Amish Mysteries series from Guideposts. Her latest releases include Sheeps Passing in the Night, part of the Mysteries of Martha’s Vineyard series, also from Guideposts, and The Coffee Club Mysteries from Barbour Publishing. To learn more, visit ElizabethLudwig.com.