Is Your Spouse Your No. 1 Ministry?

Our Bible study leader, Dana, asked some challenging questions the other day: Who or what is your number one ministry? and Are you attending to that number one ministry? For believers, God comes first, but Dana reminded us that we who are married have our number one ministry staring us in the face over morning coffee on a regular basis, even if our faces aren’t yet washed.

I’m afraid I don’t view my husband as number one often enough. Instead I fondly think of the Man-in-Plaid as my Number One Fan or my Number One Support. Mark is also my Number One Car Maintenance Man, my Number One Vacation Planner, and my Number One House Remodeler. Oh, and Number One Meeter-of-My-Needs.

Goodness! He must be exhausted. But that doesn’t mean he’s not interested in one of the primary ways I can show him he’s number one.

Sex

Teaching from the classic passage in 1 Corinthians 6 about our bodies, Dana went on to say, “Since your bodies are not your own…” (Really, Dana? Not our own?) That goes for men, too, of course, but Dana was talking to women, and we were riveted—or at least smart enough to keep from looking at the woman next to us as we heard, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price,” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20 NLT).

Sex is good, and it’s one way we can both esteem our spouse and honor God. We might easily place sex on the back burner after the initial sparks have flamed out, but we can’t forget what Paul went on to say in 1 Corinthians 7:3–4 (NLT): “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”

You may see intimacy with your spouse as troublesome rather than good—especially if you’ve had a stressful week, you’re exhausted, and romance in the bedroom (or on the kitchen floor) is the last thing on your mind. But Dana challenged us: “If you’re too tired for sex, what are you saying yes to instead of attending to your number one ministry?” (Kind of a touchy subject, Dana—no pun intended. But good question.)

We know from 1 Corinthians 6 that God values our bodies. If we’re married, part of honoring him with our bodies is having sex with our spouses, and sex is good for us besides. Rachel Van Hook’s spunky post is another good reminder. She wrote, “Having a good, healthy sex life with your husband helps build a strong, healthy marriage.”

Keeping the Flame Alive

When your man comes to mind, can you look beyond yourself and your needs? Dr. Dobson has more to say about this grand topic when it comes to sex. You may want to check out the series on God’s Design for Sex.

Are you your husband’s number one fan? Does he know? You might assume he knows, but maybe he doesn’t. List how you see your man right now, and then consider these ideas:

• Get up from what you’re doing when he walks in the door and greet him like you used to.
• Make his favorite dish for dinner.
• Stop complaining, whining, directing traffic, trying to change him—all that rigmarole—and praise God for your man. Then tell him you just praised God for him.
• Tell him three things you appreciate about him. Gratitude not expressed is not gratitude, and some of that expression lands best between the sheets!
• Send your kids to the neighbors or your in-laws and do what comes naturally (which brings us back to sex).

An older, wiser woman related this convicting story: “When the younger gals were sad about being single, I would pray with them and comfort them and direct them to God. Then when they got married, and they got sad and disenchanted and too tired for sex, I would pray with them and comfort them and direct them to God.”

That’s the answer: direct your heart to God and he will remind you who your number one ministry is and empower you to make it so.

Lord God, thanks for the high price you paid for me. And thanks for Paul’s straight words from your heart. I’m not my own; I’m yours. Thank you for my husband. May he know how valued he is—not just by you but by me. And thanks for the good gift of sex. Amen.

As a retreat speaker, Bible teacher, or workshop leader, Sue Moore Donaldson loves sharing who God is with whoever comes her way. For her, intentional hospitality for the sake of Jesus is a joy and a privilege, and she knows it can be learned! Sue encourages you to find the reality and joy of knowing God through his Word – and that can happen at any kitchen table or back porch or BBQ. Sue and her husband Mark reside in San Luis Obispo, California where they’ve raised three daughters. Find more from Sue at Welcome Heart.

Photograph © Justin Follis, used with permission