In Defense of ‘Quiet Time’

“How’s everyone’s quiet time?” my new small group leader asked the group, looking around.

I was bewildered. It was my first time visiting a “small group.” Until recently, I hadn’t known there were such things. I wasn’t sure, either, what belonging to a “small group” through my newfound church would look like. And now, fifteen minutes into my first small group meeting, I felt like I’d not only jumped into the proverbial frying pan but directly into the fire. I sat mute, hoping the answers of the other women, seated around the living room of our hostess, would let me in on what the leader was talking about.

What she was talking about, I quickly came to understand, was intentional time spent reading the Bible and praying. I’ve never liked the term “quiet time”–not since that uncomfortable day–but it’s not easy to come up with an alternative that doesn’t feel just as exclusionary. In my own mind, I call it “morning time,” or “Mother’s Morning Basket,” both homeschoolers’ terms. You could call it personal Bible study, time with God–whatever makes sense to you.

What you call it, in the end, doesn’t matter. What matters about “quiet time” is whether or not you have one.

We’ve all heard the popular time management illustration about putting rocks and sand in a jar. If you have various sizes of rocks, pebbles, and sand, and you want to fill a jar with them, the order in which you put them in the jar makes a difference. Put your sand and pebbles in first, and you won’t have room for the rest. You have to place the items in the jar in descending order according to size: big rocks, little rocks, pebbles, sand. If the biggest rocks go in first, the smaller items will fill in the spaces around the big rocks. The sand, added last, will find every last chink of open space.

When it comes to managing our lives by this metaphor, big rocks are things like eating, sleeping, going to work, spending time with our loved ones, paying our bills–the things we have to or should do first. Unfortunately, for many Christians, time spent reading the Bible and praying is often a rock that doesn’t even make it into the jar. It’s a strange dichotomy–I’ve never met a Christian who claimed she didn’t want a better understanding of Scripture or a more intimate relationship with God, but I’ve heard a lot of excuses for not having a regular quiet time over the years:

“I’m in such a busy season of life right now.”

“I’m not an early riser.”

“With four kids under four, it’s just impossible to get time to myself.”

When I was single, I could have my quiet time in the evenings. After dinner, I’d curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and my Bible, read a chapter or two, jot down some thoughts in a notebook, spend a little time in what I’d now call a loose form of contemplative prayer. But as my life shifted into dating, marriage, and motherhood, my evening quiet time went out the window. Ironically, the busier my life became, the more I knew I needed that time. I needed the reassurance I got from sensing God’s active presence in my life through Scripture and prayer.

I had never been a morning person, so I tried everything to avoid getting up earlier in the morning to have a quiet time. I tried setting aside time after the kids were in bed, but that time was my opportunity to connect with my husband without interruptions. I tried reading my Bible during my lunch break, but the phone would inevitably ring or I would just feel distracted and unable to focus.

Finally, I surrendered. I set my alarm to wake me up earlier in the morning.

I’ll be honest–it was a real slog at first. It was also a gradual process with a lot of fails along the way. For a while, I had to put my phone across the room, forcing myself to get out of bed to silence my alarm so I wouldn’t just roll over and go back to sleep. I also started out too abruptly–getting up an hour earlier was a shock to my system, rendering me all but comatose. Going to bed earlier was also a slog–it was difficult to fall asleep. I ended up backing off a bit, going to bed just fifteen minutes earlier so I could get up fifteen minutes earlier. Then thirty minutes. Then forty-five minutes. And finally, an hour earlier. Over the course of several weeks, my internal clock adjusted.

There are still mornings when I hit snooze, choosing sleep over my quiet time because one of my daughters was up in the middle of night, because I stayed up too late, or because it’s Thursday (the hardest day of the week to get up early, if you ask me). But about ninety percent of the time, I’m up a good hour or more before my children, and I’ve come to relish it. The house is silent, I can read and think and pray without interruption, and–here’s the kicker–the rest of my day is better for it. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it’s the truth: putting the God rock in the jar first helps all the other rocks go in more easily.

Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things (the necessities of life–food, clothing, and so on) will be given unto you.”

This is our challenge to you for February: if you aren’t putting the God rock in your jar first every day, try changing that. Start slowly–get up fifteen minutes earlier, make a cup of hot coffee, then read a psalm and a verse or two from the book of John. Then, just sit and think about what you read. If your brain still feels a little foggy, read it again. Ask God what he wants you to take away from it. Try to hold onto the words and what they made you feel during the day. See what happens.

Harmony Harkema has loved the written word for as long as she can remember. A former English teacher turned editor, she has spent the past nine years in the publishing industry. A writer herself in the fringe hours of her working-and-homeschooling mom life, Harmony also has a heart for leading and coaching aspiring writers. Harmony lives in Memphis with her husband and two small daughters. She blogs at harmonyharkema.com.

Photograph © Ben White, used with permission