Don’t Celebrate Just Valentine’s Day
I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day.
Perhaps I should clarify: I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day as part of a couple. Since I’m a forty-two-year-old who’s been married almost twelve years, you would think I’d have had many a romantic February 14. The reality, though, is that I have never had a Hallmark movie–style Valentine’s Day.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m happily married to a wonderful man (who was also my first boyfriend), and he can be romantic. But when we were dating, our relationship was long distance. Our first Valentine’s Day together fell at a time when we lived and worked 120 miles apart. Just before our second Valentine’s Day together, though, John spontaneously decided that he should drive all that way on February 13 and ask me to marry him. He did. He asked me to marry him in my kitchen, kneeling right in front of my refrigerator.
We have always celebrated our “engage-aversary” rather than Valentine’s Day. John jokes that if he hadn’t been so crazy in love, he would have waited until the fifteenth so that every year he could save money on candy, cards, and flowers. But all joking aside, we almost always receive some sort of comment, either an attempt to be funny or quite judgmental, when we reveal that we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day and never have. It also surprises people to learn that we’ve also forgotten our wedding anniversary on more than one occasion.
What’s wrong with us? Are we really that callous and unfeeling toward each other and our relationship? I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.
Celebrating What’s Meaningful
John and I have simply chosen to celebrate the days that mean the most to us. We won’t let the market dictate what day to honor each other. Many, many wives and girlfriends will receive flowers on February 14, but how many receive flowers, dinner, a card, the opportunity to sleep in, or some other token of affection on April 16?
John has done something for me every April 16 for the past twelve years, and only for the last two years have I known why. On April 16, 2005, John and I had gone for a walk along the Missouri River. I was wearing slippery running pants, and when we sat down, I nearly slid off the grassy bank into the fast-flowing river! John remembers that day as the day he knew he would marry me. It means so much to know that he chooses and remembers to celebrate that day every year.
We also celebrate October 16, the day of our first date. In our relationship, our wedding anniversary is fourth on the list of days we consider signposts in our story. The day we stood in our small church and said our vows to each other was important, but it wouldn’t have happened without those other three days.
It makes sense to many people that John and I would celebrate Valentine’s Day. We are in a committed relationship, and we love and cherish each other. But for us, celebrating a day that’s precious to us means much more. We’ve chosen to not look at Valentine’s Day as much of the world looks at it. (I knew girls in college who just couldn’t stand the thought of not having a date on Valentine’s Day, so they made sure they had someone—anyone—to be with that night.) We choose instead to celebrate our relationship’s milestones, those markers that remind us when we made big leaps of faith.
Certainly, one doesn’t have to be married to employ this method of celebrating the meaningful instead of the market. (I can show you the exact table my best friend and I sat at on my eighteenth birthday after I renewed my driver’s license and became an organ donor because that day was meaningful to me.) Remember special days in ways that are particularly meaningful to you. Was the day significant because of a place, a person, an activity, a meal? Whatever the reason, you will never regret turning from the world’s expectations to celebrate your heart.
If you need some inspiration for things to celebrate, check out http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/.
is rooted like a turnip to the plains of North Dakota where she raises great food, large numbers of farm animals, and three free-range kids with her husband. You can find her with either a book or knitting needles in her hands as she dreams up her next adventure.
Photograph © Brigitte Tohm, used with permission
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