Mothering Boys for Wisdom and Strength

“I want to kill you,” I overheard my four-year-old say in the other room.

Uh-oh, I thought. How am I going to deal with this one?

It brought me back to another recent parenting dilemma. My son and I were at the park with friends. He was with boys around his age, and I was with their moms, happily chatting. Then, as will happen with boys, a physical fight broke out. It wasn’t malicious; it was part of their play. The other moms laughed. “Boys will be boys,” they said. “Just wait until someone gets hurt,” one mom chimed in.

Echoes of books about parenting boys sounded in my head: Boys need to be able to show their strength.

But I was uncomfortable.

Days of conversations with my husband about masculinity followed. I prayed, asking for wisdom. I just wasn’t sure about my role as the mom of a boy and how to approach this new stage of development (read infatuation with all things superhero and fighting).

Then it hit me. I knew exactly what I wanted to communicate to my son.

I called him over and told him that I’d heard what he said. He looked at me, obviously thinking he was in trouble. I asked him what he was playing. It turned out he was protecting people from the “bad guy.” I applauded him for using his strength to protect. Then we talked about the sanctity of life, and about his memory verse of John 3:16, which tells us that God loves everyone and doesn’t want anyone to suffer eternal damnation (even the “bad guys”), but that going against God’s way has consequences, too.

We then talked about some of our favorite Bible heroes.

David killing Goliath.

Gideon fighting the Midianites.

Samson destroying the Philistine temple.

Did “bad guys” die in those stories? Yes. However, the heroes trusted God to give them strength and wisdom, and God was the one who received the glory in each of those stories. The heroes were obeying God’s direction, and yes, the heroes were protecting God’s people.

We talked about the consequences of doing what is otherwise wrong when it comes to the “bad guys” and how sometimes God allows us to be a part of that justice process. Ultimately, God is the judge, and sometimes we aren’t directly involved—like when Noah and his family faithfully built a boat under God’s command because the people around them were disobedient and had forgotten God. The “bad guys” still died in the flood, but not at the direct hand of Noah.

Then there’s the redeeming story of Jonah. Because of Jonah (after the big-fish saga), God did not destroy the people of Nineveh.

“I don’t know how God will use you in the future, son,” I said, “but I’m so glad you want to protect people and do what is right.”

We hugged, and he went back to his play. It was a hefty conversation for a four-year-old, and I know we’ll have similar discussions in the future; I don’t see this obsession with superheroes phasing out soon. But through it I discovered what I want to continually reinforce with my son as he grows into a young man.

It’s okay to be strong and powerful.

What you do with that strength and power is important.

God is our ultimate source of strength, power, and wisdom.

The Bible is chock-full of verses breathing in strength to the weak and encouraging readers to use God’s wisdom. Isaiah 40:31 encourages us to “hope in the Lord” for a renewal of strength so we can “soar on wings like eagles” (NIV). This is especially encouraging when you look at the context of Isaiah, written when the Assyrian empire was expanding and Israel was deteriorating. It was spoken to a people in exile, a people burdened and discouraged.

Then we read James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (NIV).

Although these truths are what I want to teach my son, they are exactly what I need as I labor in the trenches of parenthood. Although I’m not in the same straits as the Israelites in Isaiah, I think this parenting thing is a battle. Living counterculturally is tough. Helping my child know God’s way is tricky. But when I look to God for wisdom, instead of to society or conventional knowledge, I can be strong and use my influence to mold my son into the man of God he is meant to be. That’s the ultimate goal, right?

Ashley Shannon is a wife, mother, and self-appointed adventure curator. As a lifelong learner, she enjoys exploring the coastal South, where she lives, and painting her experience of motherhood with words.

Photograph © Annie Spratt, used with permission