Can You Let Go of Judgment?

“Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged. For you will be judged by the same standard with which you judge others, and you will be measured by the same measure you use” (Matthew 7:1–2 CSB).

I have an online presence beyond the usual personal Facebook page. It’s minuscule compared to the presence of popular authors and bloggers I follow, yet it’s big enough to garner attention and comments from strangers.

Ninety-eight percent of the interactions are positive. They’re uplifting, encouraging, and flattering, and I’m happy that I can make my audience happy. However, a few interactions aren’t so flattering, and sometimes they’re downright mean. Normally I try not to think about those too much. I know not everyone will like me, especially when I’m putting myself out there in a public way. It’s impossible to please everyone all the time, and thinking that you can achieve that unattainable goal is a recipe for heartache.

One day, though, some hurtful words got to me. A commenter cut me to the quick, and I found it even more hurtful that I was being judged without really being known. The more I thought about why I was hurt, the more I realized that being judged unfairly is a big fear of mine. Being placed in a category I don’t feel I belong in feels so unfair. While excavating my feelings about judgment, I began to admit that I make quick judgments of others based on first impressions. Maybe my fear of being judged runs deep because I’m judging others.

It’s easy to sit behind the safety and anonymity of a computer screen and fire off judgments about celebrities, pseudo-celebrities, and common folk who share their opinions online. I used to believe that criticism of celebrities was part of the package of the profession they chose. I justified harsh judgment and public shaming with the mentality that when people decide to put themselves in the spotlight they should be prepared to be mercilessly picked apart.

Then I married someone who spent several years in the entertainment field, and I rethought what it means to judge someone just because they’re in the public eye. My husband is no longer involved in the entertainment industry, but now with my small online following, I’m learning firsthand how it feels to have strangers make comments based on my appearance or on what I say. I’ve also gained a deeper understanding of what it means to be mindful of my words and actions and how to take responsibility for what I choose to put out there.

Mob-mentality judgment and public shaming isn’t a new concept born of the internet age. It may be magnified by the bullhorn we all have in our hands called “social media,” but it’s been around for much longer than Silicon Valley.

Jesus was no stranger to criticism; he drew both positive and negative attention during his few years of ministry. His own family thought he might be loopy. Religious leaders consistently tried to trap him with questions about religious law to prove heresy. Even as he hung dying on the cross, he was mocked not only by spectators but also by a criminal who was suffering the same punishment.

I’m not comparing my little online struggle to what Christ experienced at the hands of his critics. My intent is not to draw a parallel but rather to remember that I’m not alone. I don’t have to harbor my hurt feelings and run off to a corner to lick my wounds all by myself. Instead I can be comforted to know that the One who has loved me through the ages knows what it feels like to be criticized and judged.

Jesus experienced judgment and betrayal from both friends and enemies, and instead of choosing resentment and revenge he chose compassion and forgiveness. Even during his darkest, most painful hour, he asked God to forgive those who mocked and crucified him.

When asked how many times we should forgive each other, Jesus answered, “Seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22). This doesn’t mean we should stop at the four hundred and ninetieth time but that we should forgive for as long as it takes. However, forgiving freely is possible only when we accept the unconditional love and forgiveness available to us through the love of God and compassion of Christ.

I don’t have control over what others say about me or how they judge me, but I do have control over how I’ll respond. I have control over my words and actions that garner attention. When I have a knee-jerk reaction and judge someone for their words or deeds, that’s my choice. It can be difficult to let go of petty judgments or self-righteous anger aimed at how others treat me, but ultimately it’s my decision to accept Christ’s love and forgiveness and loosen my grip on my own grudges and bruised pride.

In Matthew 7, Jesus instructs us to set aside our judgment of others because we’re not exactly knocking it out of the park in the “being perfect” department ourselves. It’s not our job to condemn and judge our brothers and sisters in Christ when we have our own baggage to deal with. We can leave that job squarely in the hands of God and trust that he knows exactly what to do with each of us and our imperfections.

Instead of judging others for their choices or harboring anger at how we’ve been treated, Jesus asks us to choose compassion and mercy. We ourselves have been forgiven, and he asks us to forgive not just once but over and over.

Stephanie Clinton is a writer and blogger but more importantly, a wife and mother to two little boys. In her free time (if there is any) she can be found wiping snotty noses and volunteering in her community and school. Learn more about Stephanie along with her passion to encourage women and lighten their load at www.hugskissesandsnot.com.

Photograph © Artem Kovalev, used with permission