Who’s Discipling Your Children?

My six-year-old daughter recently professed that she believes Jesus is her personal savior, that he died on the cross for the forgiveness of her sins, and that she wants to follow him for the rest of her life. To my cautious mother-mind, this was big stuff. I made a point of bringing up the subject repeatedly over the course of several days, asking lots of questions and listening carefully to her answers until I felt absolutely sure she understood exactly what she was professing. Six is young to grasp something so deeply important. But I finally said to my husband, “She really gets it, I think. I’ve run out of questions.”

I probably shouldn’t have been so surprised. The faith of a child–unencumbered and absolute–can be strikingly simple and pure. And we’ve been studying the Bible together since she was four, memorizing verses of Scripture and reading about heroes of the faith. We read from older story Bibles like Egermeier’s Bible Story Book and The Child’s Story Bible, both of which are rich in language, detail, and accuracy, as well as books like Trial and Triumph and The Young People’s Book of Saints, which tell the stories of heroes of the faith throughout the centuries. My goal as a mom has always been to disciple my kids, to give them a rich education in the tenets and stories of the faith we try to live out as a family. Sunday school lessons are rarely new to my daughter–she’s much more likely to tell me excitedly on the way home from church, “Mom! We talked about one of my favorite Bible stories today!” It delights me that she loves the people of the Bible, Jesus most of all.

A few weeks after her profession of faith, she was invited to join a special class at church called “I’m a Christian Now,” which unpacks things like baptism and Christian living. The children’s minister at our church and the class teacher are both friends of mine, and I trust them implicitly, but I still planned to attend class with her, so that I could hear the content firsthand and talk about it with her afterward. The morning of the first class, though, we had company from out of town, so I sent my husband with her instead, reminding him to stay for the class. Not long afterward, he texted me, saying “I’m the only parent here.”

I was surprised. It was a kids’ class, after all, and baptism was the major topic–why weren’t other parents in attendance? Were we really the only ones who felt compelled to be present? I was mystified.

A recent guest speaker at our midweek church service touched on this exact topic–discipleship of our kids. He admonished the congregation to be active participants in their children’s faith journeys, to play a stronger part even than the church. We should, he said, be engaging Scripture with our kids, talking about righteous living, modeling how to do it (recognizing that we will sometimes fail, and that even our failures are an opportunity for discipleship and modeling grace). But after the near-parentless discipleship class, I was left wondering.

Are we doing discipleship in our homes, as part of daily living, or are we relying on the church to do it for us?

I asked a few Christian mom friends–all of whom incorporate Bible study and prayer into their family lives, in addition to regular church attendance–and the prevailing feeling was that most Christian parents today think Sunday school is there to cover discipleship of their kids, much the same way public school is there to cover the 3 Rs.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, in reference to the way we are expected to live, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Genesis 18:19 says, “For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”

Ephesian 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

These are all commands to parents to disciple their children personally.

If all we do is drop our children off at the door of their Sunday school classes once a week, is that discipleship? Is it fair to place such a burden on the church? If we’re not willing to show up, to walk beside them as both guide and sag support, are we willing to then accept the responsibility that comes with that?

I’m thankful for our church’s children’s program. I’m thankful my daughters love it, that it’s teaching them to worship and study the Bible corporately. I’m thankful there are so many loving adults who are willing to play a role in their discipleship. But I don’t want to just sit by and not participate in the development of my children’s faith.

Are you a participant in the faith journey of your kids, or an onlooker? Is the Lord calling you to do more?

Harmony Harkema has loved the written word for as long as she can remember. A former English teacher turned editor, she has spent the past nine years in the publishing industry. A writer herself in the fringe hours of her working-and-homeschooling mom life, Harmony also has a heart for leading and coaching aspiring writers. Harmony lives in Memphis with her husband and two small daughters. She blogs at harmonyharkema.com.

Photograph © Josh Applegate, used with permission