Heart Check, Reality Check

Recently I had a heart-check moment that continues to nag me. Over the past year, I’ve grown to respect a kind woman who attends the same church our family attends. The other day she shared an article on her Facebook newsfeed from a website that writes stories from a specific angle in the hopes of furthering an agenda. The source doesn’t matter, but my response does.

My first thought was Wow, I had no idea she believes this website. I’ll never trust her again! That thought startled me. I know this woman well enough to speak to her character, and I respect her. So why did I have such a strong response? After much deliberation I determined it was because the underlying tone of the website pushed against my convictions, and it hurt that someone I call a trusted friend was supporting and furthering that message, sharing something on social media that offended me.

More than that, though, the words in the article were critical of my beliefs. My instinct was to summarize the totality of who my friend is by that one article. That deserves a heart check.

The Bible offers specific words about the character of the friends we choose:

Proverbs 13:20–21: “Spend time with the wise and you will become wise, but the friends of fools will suffer. Trouble always comes to sinners, but good people enjoy success.”

Psalm 26:4–5: “I do not spend time with liars, nor do I make friends with those who hide their sin. I hate the company of evil people, and I won’t sit with the wicked.”

1 Corinthians 5:11: “I am writing to tell you that you must not associate with those who call themselves believers in Christ but who sin sexually, or are greedy, or worship idols, or abuse others with words, or get drunk, or cheat people. Do not even eat with people like that.”

These verses all offer wise advice that can help us establish healthy boundaries for all our relationships. But does sharing an article on social media I disagree with make someone a fool? Nope. Does it make them evil? No!

It takes more than one social media post to determine someone’s trustworthiness. It takes time and intentional investment to learn who someone is, and Jesus knew that. For the three years of his ministry, he allowed people to observe him every day, especially his disciples. They saw him heal sick people, weep when his friend died, exhausted, and celebrating.

Jesus was a friend and leader to the Twelve even though they hurt him. He knew their character better than they understood his. He knew Judas was going to betray him, and that he was a thief too. John 12:4–6 tells us, “One of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, ‘Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.’ He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.”

Jesus allowed a thief to stay within his inner circle. I doubt this was the only frustrating interaction between Jesus and Judas over the three years they were together, and yet Judas was allowed a seat at the table for every meal, including the last supper.

Why did Jesus allow Judas to stay around? I think it goes back to his heart. Matthew 22:36–40 says, “‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’”

With prayer and discernment, it’s possible to love our neighbors well and spend time with the wise. Jesus modeled this for us with his inner circle. He had twelve disciples, but three of them—Peter, James, and John—spent more time with him than anyone else. (Read Luke 8, Luke 9, and Luke 22 to learn more.)

Social media is such a tricky road to walk well. I’m learning my first instincts aren’t always trustworthy because my emotions can cloud my perception. I’m learning to pause for a heart check and a reality check instead of letting my emotions get the best of me.

Here’s an example of what the heart-check/reality-check process looks like:

Heart check: If the second greatest command is to love your neighbor as yourself, then it’s important. To do this effectively I need to work to extend grace, not judgment, first. But it’s also okay to acknowledge when I’m hurt and talk to my friends in person if possible.

Reality check: My friend posted something that revealed a new layer of her life I had yet to encounter.

Reality check: My friend has always been kind and respectful to me and is entitled to her own beliefs, just as I’m entitled to mine.

Heart check: Going through this process is healthy and shouldn’t be ignored. Acknowledging why something hurts and working through what I know about someone is important and helpful to keep a clear picture of their whole personhood.

Reality check: It’s likely that this scenario will play out in a reverse fashion at some point in my life or has already occurred. I’m thankful for the opportunity to extend grace, and my prayer is that I will be afforded the same grace I extend to others.

The best part about this process is that is forces me to pause and consider the bigger picture. There is so much more to someone than a social media post, and I’m thankful for this recent reminder.

Beth Walker is a football coach’s wife and mom of two energetic boys. She strives to encourage those around her to pursue their best lives in Jesus whether she is near the game field, in church, or at the local coffee shop. As a writer, Beth has been striving to find her voice through seeing Jesus in the ordinary and extraordinary of daily life. She blogs at Lessons from the Sidelines.