Childlike Joy

My daughter should have won an award for the most exuberant customer of the year. She just turned two and part of her birthday gift was a trip to an aquarium in the Smokies. She was ecstatic. Every tank was met with shrieks  of joy and exclamations of, “WOW, big fish!” Her eyes were shining and she was having a magical time. It brought me so much joy to see her joy. She expressed her gratitude all weekend, not in many words, because she doesn’t have them yet, but in kisses and hugs and exclamations about “big fish” for days.

Sadly, by the second day, I was out of joy while her happiness and energy were still flowing freely. I got so discouraged with myself. Why can’t I just be happy and enjoy this time with my family? Why do I turn into grumpy mom so quickly? I was still recovering from major knee surgery and was in pain. I was tired from planning a full homeschool year for three boys and from dwelling on the fact that this was my senior son’s last year at home. I wanted so much to see those mountains and those fish through my daughter’s eyes. But I just couldn’t. My joy was failing.

Deep down I knew there were many reasons for this, but I wanted a quick fix. Lack of self-care, lack of time spent loving my Savior and letting him fill me up, lack of rest, and lack of gratitude had brought me to this place. I was neglecting all the things that can help usher us into a sprit of joy, and as hard as I tired to manufacture it, joy had not been in my heart for some time. This was just a bigger reminder, and I felt like a bigger failure than usual.

We returned from the mountains, and I promised myself I would begin to do the things that would lead to greater joy in my life. I would take better care of me so that my giving would not be from a place of emptiness. I would spend more time with Jesus and let him fill me. I began to make a prayer plan, using Priscilla Shirer’s book, Fervent. She points out this verse: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh”(Ezekiel 36:26 HCSB). 

Referring to this verse, Priscilla says, “Do you see the promise? ‘I will give you. I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart that’s alive and tender again, one that’s beating and responsive.'” God will do the work and restore what we have lost.

Striving and working never produce much joy for me. When I seek to make a feeling come, the opposite happens. I become frustrated and feel I am failing. The enemy keeps our focus on all these things, situations, other people, our problems and performance, with the very intent of stealing our joy.

This season, I want to see the snowflakes the way my daughter sees them. I want to taste the turkey, bask in the warmth of the fire and love of family, see the homeless man on the street in a new way. I want to feel gratitude and thanksgiving in my heart, and I want good deeds and happiness to flow from that. I want to experience these moments like my little child.

Jesus says come to him as a little child. How does my child come to me? With open hands, begging for what she wants, and in complete trust that I will provide it for her. She looks up into my face and loudly proclaims her needs and I reach down, scoop her up, and meet them. She fiercely loves me, and I her, and she knows that every day when she needs her cup filled (literally), that mom happily will do it.

Oh, that I will run to him as a little child and say, “Daddy, fill my cup. Restore to me the joy of my salvation and bring me peace.” I cannot do it alone, but he alone can, and he waits for me to ask. May we not forget that he is the joy-giver, and all we have to do is open our hands to receive.

I’m coming, Father, waiting on you to bring back my passion and joy. Let me see again with new eyes and exclaim, “wow,” for all that you have done! Amen.

Gina Grizzle is a wife, mama, and aspiring writer who has a passion to share her life with other women in order to encourage them to be the best they can for the kingdom. At home in East Tennessee, Gina loves to fluff her nest, squeeze her sweet kids, and read books. She blogs at ginagrizzle.blogspot.com.

Photograph © Patricia Prudente, used with permission