Let Your Light Glow for Christ

October is the month when skeletons come out of the closet. Some people literally drag totes labeled “Halloween Decorations” out of their closets. These totes are filled with skeletons, goblins, and witches, or if you’re more like me, full of clearance pumpkin and leaf decor. Personally, I prefer my house to look inviting, not haunted. This year, I purchased my first glow-in-the-dark skeleton from the dollar store. My children have named him Fred. I plan to use Fred to teach my children about the skeletal system in our homeschool.

Sadly, Fred is not the only skeleton in my closet. In the darkest recesses of my mind are past memories that haunt me. In light of the fact that it’s Halloween, I will be festive and drag one out to share with you. Since high school, I’ve had an abnormal obsession with death. I mostly wondered about what people’s reaction would be if I died. I wondered what my funeral would be like: Where will the funeral be held? Who will come? What will be said about me? What songs will be sung? What food will be served? And I especially wondered: Who will cry? And, Will anybody really miss me?

In college, I had to take a class titled “Death and Dying.” One of the assignments was to plan your own funeral. Done! Had I been studying to be a mortician, these thoughts might have been considered normal, but my degree was in Human Services. I worked at an assisted living home for the elderly, so death was not foreign to me. At work, I once had to help prepare a corpse, but even so, I knew I should not me be so concerned over my own corpse.

I did not necessarily want to die, but at the same time, I struggled to want to live. Many people would say I was severely depressed, and that I needed counseling and/or medication, or that I just needed to change my outlook on life. Some may take it as far as saying that I was being tormented by something ungodly. In my experience, it took all of the above to overcome these dark thoughts. It was a mental, emotional and spiritual war to take every negative thought captive and bring it before God.

God had given me the gift of life, and I was rejecting his gift. I did not want it, because in my eyes it was not good enough. I was not good enough. I resented 1 Corinthians 6:20, which tells us, “For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” Why do I have to glorify God in a body that I never wanted in the first place? I was struggling to live well, but at the same time, I knew one day I wanted to live eternally in heaven. As I began to take my thoughts captive and surrender them to God, he slowly began to show me how great a gift my salvation really was. I came to believe that even if life and salvation were the only gifts I received, they were enough for me to honor God for my entire life.

I admit that I still have an obsession with death. But instead of dreaming about my life ending, I dream about meeting the Author of all life! Instead of being consumed about my own funeral, I dream about what heaven will be like. Will a relative greet me when I get there? How often will I get to see Jesus? Will I actually be a good singer in heaven (or won’t it even matter)? Who will live with me? What kind of food will we eat? Who will prepare the food? Will I still be able to pray for people on earth? Will I get to meet the people of the Bible? What will the apostle Paul be like?

I like the verses in Philippians 1:21-25 where Paul states that he is torn between wanting to continue living on earth or go to live eternally in paradise. He is not comparing which is better because, of course, living in heaven is immeasurably better! Instead, he is trying to decide which is more pleasing to God: to continue serving him on earth or to worship him in heaven. Paul decides God has kept him alive in order to continue to serve him. I will never be as influential as Paul, but like Paul, God has put me on this earth for a reason. I look forward to living in paradise someday, but until then I plan to glow for Christ!

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV): “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Philipians 1:21-25 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.”

Audrey Guerne has sanctification in overdrive thanks to her three young children ages 4, 3, and 1. She and her husband of six years are working out their salvation with fear, trembling, and laughter. In her writing, Audrey preaches to herself and invites others to learn from her mistakes and be pointed to the cross. She can be found under the handle Peanut Butter Waffle Mom at AudreyGuerne.Wordpress.com.

Photograph © Rosie Kerr, used with permission