Leaving Better

Let no one come to you without leaving better. ~Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa’s words are so deeply etched on my heart that I repeat this simple phrase and let it soak into every fiber of my being anew every day: Let no one come to you without leaving better. No one. It’s a monumental task, but it never felt impossible. Loving extravagantly comes naturally to me, I thrive on a good challenge, and I have a genuine desire to never give up on a single soul God created.

I fiercely believe in being at peace with all others, that grace is not earned but freely given, that both forgiveness and humility are essential for healing, that reconciliation is always possible, and that love covers a multitude of sins.

I believed that loving in abundance, with a pure heart, would not only honor God but help heal anyone God brought my way. No person was too tough or too prickly to love. No one was going to come my way without leaving better.

Then one day I failed. I loved someone beautiful and broken with all of my being, and it just wasn’t enough. They didn’t leave me better either, and my heart broke. The more I strived to love abundantly, the more fractured everything became, including me, and I was left with only an abundance of confusion and emotions—and questions.

• What happens when no amount of love and kindness can fix the brokenness in a relationship?
• What happens when no one wants to own deep wounds of betrayal or abuse?
• What happens when boundaries have been crossed, your own health has been affected, and your love starts to enable instead of heal?
• What happens when you’ve tried to reconcile with your brother or sister in Christ and the only healthy option left is to leave?
• What happens when you feel God saying, “Let go,” but you simply don’t know how?

Dear friends, we may not always get to choose how someone else leaves us, but we can choose whether we will leave bitter or better.

Unhealthy situations can leave us battered and broken beyond earthly repair, our trust shaken. When we’re in the midst of a season like this, it is easy to let bitterness take root and have its way with us, but that doesn’t have to be our story. There is a better way—God’s way. If we’re brave enough to let God fully into our pain, he can make us better.

After walking through this tough season, I have learned the difference between loving in abundance and loving in obedience. While loving in abundance can be beautiful, it isn’t always healthy. It can carry the weight of striving and perfection, which was never meant to be our load to bear. By loving in abundance, I was unknowingly putting others before God, and I was forgetting that I am merely his vessel in this world to be used in accordance to his will, not in accordance with mine. Loving in abundance can also enable unhealthy behavior. Boundaries can seem unkind, so we push them aside in hopes that more love will eventually change someone’s unhealthy behavior. Instead, our efforts lie to everyone involved with a silent nothing is wrong, and these unhealthy behaviors are fully acceptable. When we bear the consequences for our loved one’s actions, even in love, we also deny them the opportunity for growth with God.

Loving in obedience to God comes with humility, healthy boundaries, and daily doses of forgiveness. Most importantly, it reminds us of our rightful place as vessels and gives God room to heal his people without taking on that responsibility ourselves.

If you find yourself in a similar season, be encouraged, dear friend. Healing takes time. Be patient. Give yourself room to feel the depth of your emotions with an extraordinary amount of patience and grace. Grieve what has been lost or wrongfully taken. Turn to God’s Word for comfort and truth. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling if needed. And let God transform your pain into something beautiful in his time. The bravest—and maybe the hardest—thing we can do is let go of control and let God be God, because his way is always better.

Sarah Lundgren has a passion for all things sparkly, loves God with her whole heart, and is known to love Starbucks chai lattes a whole lot, too. Sarah is currently snuggled in the heart of Grand Rapids, Michigan with her sweet hubby, J, and her full-time job is making pretty things all day long for her Etsy business, so sarah designs, but she also loves writing devotional content here at The Glorious Table.

Photograph © Marcelo Matarazzo, used with permission