In Defense of Disagreement

“How many of you think conflict is a good thing?”

The professor posed this question to our class. Only a few raised their hands. I wasn’t one of them, but he was about to change my mind. He explained some benefits of conflict. For one thing, because of conflict our country was formed, and laws were made.

I hate conflict and will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it. Negotiating the price of a new car, being put on the spot about making a commitment, and needing to say no are all situations I loathe because they force me into a position of disagreement. People pleasing is my jam, but it often leads to my own detriment. Avoiding conflict can often mean ignoring what is right to maintain a false sense of peace within me, and that is neither right nor biblical.

A couple of months ago, my friend Kimberly wrote a post for The Glorious Table. Unlike most posts here, Kimberly’s was written with a strong political bent. The Glorious Table doesn’t typically post anything political, but our editors believe in supporting contributors regardless of their political leanings, so the post was published. The conflict caused some readers, and even some contributors, to walk away instead of engaging. Only one person was willing to dialogue about the post, and we all benefited from that conversation.

But this post isn’t a defense of Kimberly or The Glorious Table. It’s a post in defense of disagreement in general.

As I pointed out above, disagreement has contributed to the establishment of our nation, our political system, and many laws that make our lives better. Conflict over women’s suffrage gave us the right to vote. Protests during the civil rights movement led to people of color rceeiving legal rights they had previously been denied. Many Christians disagree with abortion and fight against it. In each of these scenarios, conflict was/is necessary for change. Without conflict, the status quo, good or bad, remains. Without conflict, would our Savior have been crucified, and ultimately, resurrected? Conflict is necessary, and conflict done well can unite us more than it separates us.

When we realize conflict is necessary to create change or to defend others, we must look to the Word for examples of biblical ways to disagree.

Jesus wants unity.

Jesus prayed to God from the garden of Gethsemane, that “they may be as one as we are one” (John 17:22 NIV). Jesus prayed that all believers would be united as he and God are united. This means that no matter what our personal beliefs, we should be striving for unity with one another. When disagreeing with another believer (or human, really), we should seek to do so in a way that brings us together. That means our words and body language promote a peaceful space to dialogue. We may not be in agreement, but we can create an environment that enables us to try to find common ground.

We’re told how we should disagree.

In Matthew 18:15, Jesus tells us to first disagree one-on-one. We aren’t to publicly call out anyone in person (or on Facebook or Twitter). We should first attempt to disagree and work out our differences on a personal level. Social media and blogging allow for lots of opportunities for discourse. Let’s be good stewards of our friends’ feelings when interacting with them face-to-face and online, especially when so much of our nuance can be lost through text versus talking.

We need to be open.

Finally, we need to be open to what others are thinking. Hearing them out doesn’t mean we must change our minds. I can listen to an atheist friend’s thoughts on God while still believing in God. I can listen to my pro-choice friend’s opinion while maintaining a pro-life stance. In fact, these types of conversations lead to understanding, compassion, and greater love.

I don’t even like choosing a restaurant for a group of people, yet Jesus is placing the need for fruitful conflict on my heart. Without conflict, how will we tell others about him? How will the world know the love of God if we run from opportunities to share him in a loving way? How will those with opposing political views understand us if we’re shouting at them or avoiding them altogether?

When believers dare to disagree in a biblical, Christlike way, we show others the love of Jesus. When we respond to conflict thoughtfully, we remain united in a world that would like to tear the church apart. What if instead of clinging so tightly to our opinions, we listen as Christ did? What if instead of pulling away, we drop anchor and linger with those whose beliefs differ from our own? What if we worry less about what others say about us and our political parties, and instead focus on Jesus’s desire for the church to be united?

Ultimately, most Christ followers want for the world what Christ wants for us; we simply have differing viewpoints on how to get there. As believers filled with the Holy Spirit, we have been given the tools to unite as the church and share Christ with the world. It’s up to us to determine whether his commission is more important to us than our opinions, and whether we’ll dare to disagree.

Becky Yurisich is a full-time Army wife and mom, and an occasional teacher of first graders. She is an unapologetic follower of Jesus and the University of North Carolina Tar Heels. Becky holds a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education from UNC, and dreams of writing a book. She blogs at beckyyurisich.com.

Photograph © Annie Spratt, used with permission