Remind the People

Remind the people…to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. (Titus 3:1–2 NIV)

Do you, like me, sometimes want to hide in a dark closet when you read the word gentle in Scripture? When I read this passage, though, I saw the idea of being gentle comes with a couple of other commands, and I kept thinking about how they all roll together.

Slander no one, we’re told. In other words, be nice! Don’t gossip. Don’t say rude or hurtful things about people. When we do, it makes us look bad, potentially skews the way others perceive the person we’re talking about, and possibly hurts our relationship with both the person we’re talking about and the person we’re talking to.

Be peaceable and considerate. I think we struggle with being considerate more and more. Maybe we won’t show up for a birthday party like we said we would, but we don’t let that family know. Maybe we never RSVP in the first place. Maybe we always miss deadlines, or we’re late for appointments or even more trivial stuff like playdates and parties. I am guilty.

Being considerate is tied to being peaceable, because when we’re nice to people, aware of their needs and polite, living peaceably with us becomes easier for them. They won’t be annoyed with our inconsiderate behaviors. We won’t hurt feelings or leave people hanging.

Being peaceable is more than this, though. It comes from within us, because sometimes, it’s just hard to get all the details right. Our lives are so busy that we forget things and can’t fit it all in. However, people know when our hearts are operating from a place of peace, and that flows into our relationships even when we miss the boat.

Be gentle toward everyone. This is where I think my biggest trouble resides. Gentleness of voice or spirit isn’t what I’m good at. Gentleness seems missing in how I react toward what people do or situations in the world today. I become loud and passionate when I talk or think about some things. I don’t sit with the information and try to see from another’s perspective or allow the whole picture to play out. I just think about what I would do, what my solution would be, and I consider all that before I think through things.

Admittedly, I’ve grown in this area. Age will do that for a person, and so will raising lots of kids, who have grown my patience immensely. And with patience has come gentleness. I desperately want to make gentleness a practice, because I know if I don’t respond with gentleness and calm when my kids come to me with problems or worries, they’ll stop coming. They’ll find someone else to confide in. I expect them to find and confide in other people, too, eventually, but I also want them to know I’m in their corner. I don’t want wild reactions or loud words of disappointment to echo in their lives more than my spirit and words of gentleness and patience.

I desire to show my kids and others in my life that the state of my heart looks like Jesus. This hasn’t always been the case, because no one is ever done maturing. But I hope over time my loved ones will see that growth. I hope for the day I can look at this Scripture in Titus and feel like I live it out. I hope the state of my heart—and therefore my outward actions—reflect Jesus to both my family and a hurting world.

Will you roll these three commands together to let the Holy Spirit work in your heart, making you more Christlike?

Lord, allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts to make us people aware of the words that come from our mouths and the state of our hearts. Help us be considerate to one another, thinking of the needs of others and what it means to be polite so we can live alongside one another in peace. May the results of these efforts of the Holy Spirit be spirits of gentleness within each of us, so that we can show the love of Jesus. Amen.

Scripture for Reflection

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (Galatians 5:22–24 NIV)

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. (Philippians 4:5 NIV)

Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others. (Psalm 15:1–3 NIV)

Reach for More

Evaluate your tendencies in each of these areas: Do you talk or vent about people frequently? Are you considerate in little things, and does your level of peace reflect that you are? Are you gentle toward others?

Ask the Holy Spirit to convict you in the areas you need to work on. If you find yourself talking (or yelling), stop and take a deep breath. Lower your voice and show gentleness when you know it’s right to do so. Do as much as you can with proper etiquette and see how it changes how you feel about others, and how good you feel about the kind of person you are in those circumstances. Maybe take a few notes so you can watch God working in these details and how he’s changing your heart!

Carla Clemens enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband and four sons. A baby and toddler interrupt her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live with mindfulness of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.

Photograph © Sharon McCutcheon, used with permission