Other People’s Happiness

I am going to share something I am not proud of with you. I on purpose did not heart my friend’s perfectly endearing Instagram photo. Over the course of a few weeks, I saw her kid make the team, their all-inclusive vacation, and the blue and red flowers blooming in her freshly mulched flower beds. I can’t even remember the picture I didn’t heart, but I distinctly remember my thought process. I saw the picture, thought “that’s cute,” then decided to withhold the satisfaction of one more positive response because I’d had it up to here with her happiness.

I know. I’m rotten. Rotten to the core. I couldn’t indulge my dear friend with a simple click on a little heart to say, “I see your happiness, and I applaud it!” Instead, I indulged my own jealous and surly spirit by begrudging her my approval. What I really said with my quick swipe away from her photo was, “I see your happiness, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

We are at the tail end of summer. We’ve endured weeks on end of idyllic vacation photos in our feeds. We’ve watched live videos of spectacular fireworks shows from a boat on the lake. Maybe it’s the touched-up senior pictures that have you feeling less than. Or you have Pinterest envy over the cute first day of school signs and bento-box lunches your friends have posted. Did a slight frown pull on the corner of your lips as you scrolled by?

Why does someone else’s happiness make me feel so blue?

The idea of genuinely celebrating someone’s happiness was highlighted by the pen of L. M. Montgomery. In an Anne of Green Gables sequel, the phrase “I sympathize with your happiness” jumped off the page. It took me right back to my Instagram friend fail.

The word sympathy is most often associated with grief or sorrow, as in,”I sympathize with your loss.” It seems paradoxical to sympathize with someone’s happiness. However, another meaning of sympathize is, “to agree with a sentiment or opinion.” To sympathize with someone’s happiness is to agree with their happiness. Sympathy is accepting the invitation to enter into and enjoy someone else’s emotion.

Although Montgomery penned Anne’s story in the early 1900’s, her words describe my modern-day Instagram emotional conundrum. “Anne was always glad in the happiness of her friends; but it is sometimes a little lonely to be surrounded everywhere by happiness that is not your own” (L. M. Montgomery, Anne of the Island).

The photos of my friend’s colorful life changed the way I viewed my own life. Instead of vibrant colors, I began to see dull grays–an unhappiness filter of sorts.

The darkness spread from the outside in. Her kids’ seemingly perfect performance outshines my kids’ mediocrity. Their exciting family vacation made my clock-in-clock-out days seem dull. The more I compared her experiences and environment to my own, the more discontented I became.

I could have stopped it right there. A quick heart check would show me all the reasons to be thankful. A reality check would remind me the pictures people post are just the amazing things that happen in their life; all the rest is hidden. Meditating on a Psalm like “I have a beautiful inheritance” (16:6 CSB) would replace the darkness with light, lies with truth.

Instead, I let the darkness consume me until I acted on it. I declined the invitation to sympathize with my friend’s happiness.

Choosing to Sympathize

The night I let darkness spread from my heart to my fingertips was a wake-up call. The guilt for that seemingly innocuous moment haunted me. Fully aware of why I had done what I did, I decided to make some changes.

To help dispel the darkness creeping around my heart, I embraced a thankful spirit. I looked for things to celebrate in my own life. Those little gifts of gratitude colored my too-gray outlook on life. Black and white became technicolor as I rediscovered all the little things that bring joy to my life.

During my next Instagram scroll, I left hearts everywhere I detected delight. Neatly dressed, well-behaved children. A smartly decorated living room. The happily married couple enjoying a night out. I gave out hearts like Cupid on Valentine’s Day. I meant it, too. With every heart, I was saying, “I see your happiness, and I applaud it!”

I also looked behind the photographs to the lives they represent. The moments celebrated in public are a representation of the battles fought in private. It feels good to be happy for the kid who makes the team when you know they struggle with academics. The smile in the senior photo shoot comes at a high price paid by her parents–hours spent kneeling in prayer for that child. When we celebrate the highlight reels on social media, we give others encouragement to face the harder parts of life.

Does it sometimes get lonely when you’re surrounded by everyone else’s happiness? Do you find it hard to sympathize? In our social media-saturated world, we must choose to accept the invitation to enter into and enjoy someone else’s joy. It may require a heart check to amp up the gratitude in our own lives, but sharing the love will benefit you and those receiving all your Instagram hearts!

Kelly Smith is a small town girl who married a small town man. They have three children. In the quiet minutes of her day, you will find her at the keyboard or curled up with a book–always with coffee. Kelly believes we are created for community and loves to find ways to connect with other women who are walking in the shadow of the cross. She blogs at mrsdisciple.com.

Photograph © Daiga Ellaby, used with permission