The Heart of Connection

If there is one word for what I have craved most in my life, I would say it’s connection. Of course, I want to belong, and for years I equated fitting in with belonging. I also believed that my value was only in my beauty or my abilities. I’m glad I was wrong. I’m glad my value doesn’t depend on what I look like or what I can do. My value is already determined by the creator of the universe. The God of heaven and earth believed I was worth creating. I hold intrinsic value that can’t and won’t be changed or challenged by anything outside of who he made me to be.

For many years, my gift of hospitality has intersected with my desire to please people. I wanted to prove my worth to the world around me. Spending hours planning for dinners or events only made me feel tired and set apart from my guests. I’d traded simple beauty for complicated entertaining that may have impressed a few but didn’t make people feel valued for who they were. I didn’t take the needs of others into consideration. I cared more about what they would think of me. I was on an emotional treadmill that sped up the harder I ran. There was no rest or time to build endurance. It was all about the end result, and my journey became lost in the shuffle. It was a revolving door leading to isolation. There was nothing in this habit that led me to intimacy with Christ or those around me to their destiny.

In this Pinterest world where bigger is better, I continue to remind myself that more is just more. Simplicity wasn’t plain or boring, it was freedom. Embracing my own mandate to “Live gently, love passionately” opened up space to take a breath with other souls. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of ideas posted to Pinterest. It’s a great place for planning and ideas.  But it also sets the bar high and sometimes sets unreasonable expectations. In my early days of homemaking, we flipped through the pages of Martha Stewart Living, borrowed books from the library, and rented videos to make sure our parties were swoon-worthy. If friends didn’t talk about how great your party was or even worse, if they mentioned someone else’s soiree in comparison, the mood could turn bleak in a heartbeat. Balancing our worth on the opinions of others leaves us teetering on a sandy foundation. When it all tips over, our relationships suffer, and connection has no place to take root.

Recently I hosted friends I hadn’t yet met in person. My husband stopped to pick up muffins as I shopped for juice, fruit, and milk for our breakfast. He brewed a pot of coffee while I set out the food on the deck. The kids gobbled up the muffins, and the adults enjoyed the visit with coffee in our favorite mugs. There was no need to be showy. This was as much about filling our souls as it was filling our bellies. It was about speaking life over an easy meal with children’s voices echoing throughout the yard. A Sunday morning that will be remembered for a long time, more for the conversation than the menu.

As I sat considering the busy season in front of us, gratitude settled into my heart for those moments of being together with others instead of an overwhelming need to perform. Had I been stuck in the need to “go big or go home,” I would have been tempted to pass up the opportunity, That would have been a mistake. The evening they left, I found myself missing their presence in our home. Our always open rooms seemed empty the next day. My always industrious husband is already washing the bedding to prepare for the next round of visitors.

Let me encourage you to find the beauty in a simple joy. In no way am I suggesting that we don’t make things pretty or prepare our meals with love. I’m asking you to take in the beauty of the moments shared as much as the morsels. My hope is that you’ll leave space to sit, listen, and love as hearts spill stories across the table an into your soul.

Are you gearing up for a busy season? Do you find yourself anticipating the thought of your next step, or does it overwhelm you? Can you embrace quiet moments of connection with others souls? In what ways can you open your life to others? Let us know in the comments what you plan to do to embrace connection without losing yourself.

Jemelene Wilson is a passionate storyteller who writes of faith, hope, love, and food. She’s madly in love with her pastor husband and mama bear to two daughters. Grace is a fairly new concept she is exploring with her life and words. Mama Jem believes we should live gently and love passionately. You can find more of her writing at jemelene.com.

Photograph © Danielle MacInnes, used with permission