Do Your Friends Sharpen You?
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” Proverbs 27:17. (NLT)
This verse reminds us to choose friends who make us better and to help shape and influence the people we love. This particular proverb is nestled in with a few others that give advice about several different kinds of relationships. I love the idea that as Christ followers, we are to sharpen one another, to encourage and make one another ready for the day he returns. We are to be Iron Friends.
Although it’s a favorite now, a decade ago I wasn’t remotely familiar with this verse. I was twenty-five, a mother of two toddlers, and I had just moved to Alabama where my husband was training to become an Army Aviator. A few weeks after we arrived, he left for three weeks. I promptly got pneumonia.
Alone for days, feeding my kids PB&J and cereal, I was miserable, sick, and woefully lonely. As soon as the slightest sign of wellness appeared, I showered and took my kids to an on-post playdate for toddlers. Immediately upon entering the play area, I heard someone call my name. It was a woman I had been barely acquainted with at our last duty station. Having been at our new post a few months longer than I, she had already made a couple of friends.We all chatted, and then they invited my kids and me to lunch. I have never been more thankful for greasy diner food, or a familiar face, in my life.
The following week, I was headed out the door of our townhome when my two-year-old threw caution to the wind, shouted “Look! Other kids!” and ran to the other end of our building, where twin boys were spraying themselves, a Jeep, and their mother with a hose. The kids made instant friends. Their mom and I did the same.
Quickly, as Army spouses tend to do, these two groups of women, plus a couple more, became a tribe we affectionately called The Coffee Ladies. The six of us, along with our nine children, gathered nearly every Wednesday and Friday morning for eighteen months. We saw one another through the loss of parents, surgeries, kids’ diagnoses, and the random, unexpected ups-and-downs of military life. We shared our homes, babysitters, baking tips, and how to manage our tight budgets. We were there for one another. We were Iron Friends.
Several months into this, my husband and I hit the roughest patch in the history our marriage. We were just about to call it quits, when I began to think of my Coffee Lady friends. The majority of them had strong faith lives and attended church. I had only been to church a few times as a kid and hadn’t accepted Christ, but I knew that we couldn’t work it out on our own, and thought maybe God was the answer. I humbly told my husband that I would be taking the kids to church on Sunday, and that I would love for him to come.
Unhappy and jaded, we walked into a little white church building on Fort Rucker, Alabama, and emerged with a restored commitment to one another. Though it was a process, God’s restoration of our marriage is my greatest testimony.
My story isn’t just a testimony about my husband and me; it’s a testimony to the example set by my friends. Their encouragement to stick it out, and their quiet, steady faith showed me exactly where I needed to be. Snuggled in just above Proverbs 27:17 in my Bible, Proverbs 27:9 says “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” My friends poured grace and wisdom over me through their words and actions. Knowing I was safe with them was incredibly sweet, eben though sometimes the advice they had to give was hard to hear.
Proverbs 27:6 reminds us that “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy” When my marriage was in trouble, I needed wise friends, not enablers. An Iron Friend will give you the honest truth because they know godly wisdom is more important than our momentary feelings.
I think about The Coffee Ladies often. I’m fortunate to live five minutes from one of them, but the rest of us are spread around the country now. Their friendship, camaraderie, and encouragement was priceless to me as a new believer, wife, and mom. While I have made wonderful friends since then, I have yet to be part of another such a special group.
As I contemplate the level of transparency, genuine care, and generosity that was displayed in our little group, I have to ask myself a question: Am I doing that here? Now? Am I reserving time that is specifically devoted to sharing life with my friends? Am I opening my home? Am I regularly checking in on those I care about? Do I know what’s going on in their lives? Am I sharpening them and allowing myself to be sharpened? If the answer to any of these questions is No, then it’s time for me to check my heart.
I believe one good friend can make a duty station, or town, a fantastic place to live. But I have also witnessed the joy that having a larger tribe can bring to your life. My advice, whether it’s one friend or five, is to be the iron for your friend. They might not follow Christ, but your kindness, love, and godly example can still sharpen your friends. Sometimes without your knowledge.
Do you have an iron friend? Someone who is sharpening you? Are you sharpening someone? Maybe your little group of mommas and babies gather inside living rooms or under patio umbrellas. You may not know it—my friends sure didn’t—but I’ll bet my weight in dark chocolate that your love, grace, and example are sharpening more people than you know. Go! Be iron!
is a full-time Army wife and mom, and an occasional teacher of first graders. She is an unapologetic follower of Jesus and the University of North Carolina Tar Heels. Becky holds a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education from UNC, and dreams of writing a book. She blogs at beckyyurisich.com.
Photograph © Vonecia Carswell, used with permission
