Deferred Dreams Don’t Deter God

Running was once a large part of my life. Not in the way it is for the people who line the backs of their vehicles with stickers proudly declaring the length of their latest marathon or who rise early in the morning to train for the next, but in the sense that it was part of what made me me. Running was a joy. Hearing the rhythmic sound of my feet hitting the pavement, mastering my body, challenging myself, all while I blared praise and worship music and reveled in God’s creation, helped me wash the worries of a day away. When I felt like I couldn’t go any further, I usually found a goal off in the distance and quietly chanted, “You can have the body of a hottie” to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement. I loved the results of running as well as the satisfaction of having pushed myself, even if I never made it to the marathons I dreamed of.

Health challenges now mean running is no longer a part of my story. Instead of making me feel more like me, running is now more likely to put me in the hospital than anything else. Prior to my recent move to Virginia, I decided I was going to take on the running trail in front of our neighborhood. Tired of watching trim, happy runners go by without being able to join them, I decided slow and steady would win my race no matter the cost. Even if it set off every possible flare in my body, I was going to run this beautiful stretch of mossy oak canopy-covered land I’d been dreaming of since the day we’d moved in. Day after day, I’d driven past the droves of runners and prayed for a day I’d be healthy enough to run with them, past the cows grazing on one side and the horses running in sunbathed glory on the other. It was heaven out there.

I started with short walks, for which I certainly paid a high price as they required days on end of recovery. I did finally work up to a half walk, half run in which I covered about two-thirds of my goal distance, the top of the hill on the running path. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that I didn’t make it all the way to the top of the hill, because I made it so far. I made it into the canopy of trees, past the cows and the trees, straight into heaven. I relished that moment. And then I had to run back.

It set off all manner of flares. And I did not get the chance to run the full distance before I moved. I found this acceptable. You see, I’d been waiting six years for that run. I wasn’t sure any part of it would ever happen. Every moment of that dream deferred was pure joy. I have no regrets and no complaints.

I received my bachelor’s degree in 2005. I have been saying, “I will start a Master’s degree soon” ever since. The same health challenges have left me praying the time when I’d be able to take on such an endeavor would come soon. I’ve often looked longingly at others running their own educational races and wondered if my time would ever happen.

This summer, I was accepted to a Master’s program, which I will begin in the fall. It will take everything in me. I’ll start slow and still need days on end of recovery. I have no regrets or complaints about this. You see, I have been waiting for thirteen years for this dream deferred to become a reality. Every moment of it will be a joy, even the ones that feel like they’re going to break me.

My son recently graduated from high school. He and I will be attending college at the same time. I would never have imagined I’d be attending college at the same time as my firstborn child, yet I see God’s hand and timing in all of it. My new location provides unique opportunities in my field. Having older children offers more time for physical recovery. It’s like God knows what he’s doing or something. Maybe God isn’t being cruel when he has us wait on the dreams he’s placed in our hearts?

Is that how it’s beginning to feel to you? Just plain cruel? If you’re honest with yourself and him, do you still trust God with that dream deferred, or have you given up on it entirely? Are you trying to achieve it in your strength, with your striving?  Do you sometimes wonder why God gave you these desires in the first place to do nothing with them?

Can I remind you that God is doing something with them, even if you can’t see it right now? God is never idle. Let’s enjoy the journey with no regrets or complaints.  Not only is your time coming, but it’s also here. There is joy in the now; there is growth in the going. Your dream may be deferred, but it is not dead as long as it is in God’s hands.

Stacey Philpot is wife to Ryan and mother to Hayden, Julie, and Avery. She is a writer, goofball, and avid reader. Stacey has ministered for over 15 years to youth and women in her community in order to equip them to go deeper in Christ. She blogs at aliferepaired.com and chronicallywhole.com.

Photograph © Matthew Brodeur, used with permission