On Serving When We Don’t Want To
I have a bunch of kids—four, with a fifth on the way. Their ages currently range from three to ten years, but soon there will be a newborn in the mix. So I’ve had kiddos in the birth to kinder classes at church for a long time. Through those years, I have also served in the young children’s ministry off and on, but always when my own children were attending classes regularly. Then we hit a rough patch. My youngest two, with loud noise and feeding off each other, refused to enter their classrooms. That’s when I decided to just take them into the service with me and take a break from serving.
When we moved to San Antonio, Texas in 2017, we found a wonderful church We’ve been attending there for about eight months. Part of the wonder is that my little two now love their Sunday school classes and walk right in, sometimes without saying goodbye to their mama. Then, about three months ago I began receiving emails from the children’s ministry’s co-op director, asking about my serving in the children’s ministry once a month. I ignored them until a couple of weeks ago, when guilt kicked in. I knew I needed to attend one of her meetings, but I felt ambivalent about it while also feeling it was my duty to serve.
I know once I begin working with the kids and other volunteers I’ll enjoy it. It will eventually feel less like a chore or obligation and more like I’m in the will of God. At the same time, I’m with my own kids all day long, every day, and sometimes I simply don’t want to serve with kids. I would rather do something that reminds me I’m a grown up and that God created me to be not only a mother, but also someone with interests and gifts that can serve his kingdom in a way other than shepherding littles. My kids aren’t all of me; they’re not my whole identity.
Don’t get me wrong; I chose to have these delightful kiddos, and they really are delightful. And I have chosen to homeschool them, in part because I feel God has called me to, but also because I love seeing their personal, intellectual, and spiritual growth in our time together at home. We also choose not to send our littles to a mom’s day out program, not only because I enjoy being with them, but because of the expense. This all means that few opportunities exist to hand them over to others and take that time for me to serve God in other ways.
Another facet of this issue is serving outside the church home. For example, I take my boys to a weekly Bible-based program called Awana. They have participated in it since they were two and three years old, and I believe in the program and its impact on my kids. I don’t add much of a Bible curriculum to our homeschool because we use our Awana books to learn verses and other important life lessons on how Jesus wants us to live. I have served with Awana every year my boys have participated except one because that year God apparently thought it would be a good idea for us to have two babies fifteen months apart. I needed a break, and I finally felt like I should take one.
Awana is a big-time commitment—at least three hours a week, and more if you’re serving in a leadership position. I love it, though, and I love being there with my boys. I sometimes feel, however, that the people from my church don’t understand. Why would I participate in a program at another church when our church offers other programs for my kids? A church will not function if everyone serves somewhere outside it. So I understand the call to serve somewhere within my own church home.
Can you understand the tug-of-war in my heart about all this? It stems from a desire to serve in the ways I am obligated, while also doing things I love, but also knowing I simply cannot fit it all in and still have time and energy to spare. So in this season, and it seems many more like it to come with kids under kindergarten age, I will serve in the children’s ministry for my once-a-month time slot. I will love on the kids and help their parents feel at ease dropping them off, which is something I think I’m good at. I will serve the Lord in this way, which he has put in front of me, regardless of my ambivalence about the type of work itself.
Yet I wonder what would happen if, rather than an email being sent only to parents of the kids in the birth to kinder classes, an email went out churchwide or an announcement was put in the church bulletin saying the children’s ministry can always use volunteers. Might someone be reminded of their love for littles or feel a desire to give parents a break? Might the service of someone other than a parent be a gift to the kids? Might that parent who gets to serve somewhere else be renewed and energized in their service to the church and the Lord?
What about you? Are you serving in an area you feel passionate about? Or are you serving out of a sense of duty? Either way, service to the Lord is a good thing. We all need to be engaged in the work of Christ.
enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband and four sons. A baby and toddler interrupt her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live with mindfulness of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.
Photograph © Tina Floersch, used with permission
I totally get what you’re saying.
My husband Andrew I big serve in the worship team in some capacity. He serves 3-4 weeks a month, I we’ve 2-4. And yet about once a year were asked if we can step in and help with children’s. umm,m…… I get it. My kids utilize the children’s ministry a lot. But we are serving almost weekly as is, if we offer to also step in and serve in children’s, we have no weeks where we are able to worship.
Some years we’ve said yes, other years we’ve said no. As our children’s program dwindles, the number of volunteers needed also shrinks, so we’ve not been asked recently.
I’m fully on board with asking everyone to volunteer. On that way, the women who were never blessed with their own biological,children can still feed into the lives of young kids. And the grandma who doesn’t get to see her grandkids often can play with others’ babies. And we moms, who see our kids all day every day, can sit with the adu,to and feel like an adult for one hour a week.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on serving. This has always been a hard one for me too bc there was a recent season I recognized I was putting my family on the back burner to church ministry. My husband is also military and God sent us to Ft.leavenworth for all last year. Definitely a blessing for my husband’s career but I also recognized God’s voice calling me to rest and not serve. I spent the year more than ever in the word and prayer. It was amazing and there were also a lot of tears from God refining me. I really needed that rest period. Now we’re back home(we’re national guard) and I know I can’t be a pew sitter at our church but I’m also so afraid to over commit again. It’s such a hard balance and I’m just praying God will guide me to the right decision.