Reclaiming a Curious Faith

Can you discover the depths of God? Can you discover the limits of the Almighty? (Job 11:7 NASB)

My greatest joy in homeschooling is learning alongside my children. We start our day with a practice called Morning Time (although my kids say we should call it “Any Time” because it doesn’t always happen in the morning). After the breakfast dishes are washed and everyone has dressed for the day, we head over to the couches to sing a hymn, pray, and read our Bible, history, geography, and literature lessons. This comfortable rhythm sets the tone of our learning day.

Our Bible study this year focuses on leadership. We began in the book of John, studying Jesus as the ultimate leader, a Savior who looked much different than the conquering king the Jews were expecting. After John, our study took us to the Old Testament to study Joshua. Following God, Joshua was a strong leader who brought God’s people into the promised land.

As we studied Joshua, a theme other than leadership caught my children’s attention: violence. When God gave the Israelites the cities of Jericho and Ai, he made specific orders to destroy property and people. My daughter brought up a hard question: How could a loving God condone, even command, murder?

I often struggle with the best way to pass on my faith to my children. I don’t want to raise robots who parrot Scripture with no love behind the words—just obligation and tradition. On the other hand, I feel the responsibility of introducing them to everything about our faith—even the ugly parts in the Bible—while being concerned that darkness will overcome their budding light.

My parents received a large, ornate family Bible as a wedding gift, a tradition in the Catholic faith. The Bible sat in their room on a shelf, and as a child I would go in there day after day, open the Bible on the rug by the window, and study the large reproductions of paintings depicting famous images from Scripture. The illustrations were by far my favorite section.

I have forgotten most of the images, but a few stick with me today: Israelite infants being murdered by Egyptian soldiers, Abraham preparing to sacrifice Isaac, Jesus on the road to Golgotha and hanging on the cross. I was not a child particularly drawn to the macabre, but shocking images have a way of sticking in our minds. I didn’t vocalize the question, but I remember thinking as my daughter did. How could God allow this?

I am no stranger to wrestling with God and faith. Before I entered middles school, my family left the local church, visiting only on Christmas and Easter. In college, I called myself spiritual and got into heated arguments with bold Christian students who seemed to have an answer to everything. I came back to the church when my husband and I were engaged. I found myself pretending to be like those Christians I encountered in college, with a blind faith that had an answer for everything while inside I wrestled. I feared letting people see my questions and doubt, sure that would be a sign that my faith was weak or maybe fake.

Why do we see questions or doubts as a sign of weakness? The Bible provides many examples of steadfast faith, but many examples of wrestlers as well. Peter is a devoted disciple one minute and denying Christ the next (John 18:15–27). Sarah laughed mockingly at God’s promise of a son (Genesis 18:12). Moses repeatedly questioned God’s choice of him as leader of the exodus (Exodus 3:1—4:17). Thomas doubted the resurrection (John 20:25). Jacob physically wrestled God (Genesis 32:22–32).

The examples above teach a lesson for the doubting and questioning among us: Stay in the wrestling match with God.

God can handle our questions and doubts. We should openly share them with him instead of letting them rot beneath a veneer of belief. David often questioned God in the Psalms, yet he is still called a “man after God’s own heart.” Questions and doubts signal you are engaging with the hard parts of your faith, and they can be vehicles of growth.

The faith I’m passing on to my children encourages curiosity. I’m comfortable telling them I have questions too. I say, “I don’t know” as often as I confidently look in Scripture to find an answer. I share my wrestling with them.

Some things about God we will never understand. The important thing is to stay in the fight and go to God and his Word when we wrestle. He isn’t our opponent. He is the coach in our corner.

Lindsay Hufford is a writer, slow marathoner, home educator and mediocre knitter. Her favorite things include books, kombucha, kitchen dancing, natural wellness, Jesus, and nachos. She spends days with her handsome hubby, three adorable kids, a flock of hens, a runaway peahen, wandering barn cat, and rescue dog. Lindsay shares ways to live simply and love extravagantly at www.lindsayhufford.com.