The Value in Setting Your Table for Others

I love a good dinner party. Bringing people together for food and conversation is my passion, and few things bring me greater joy and satisfaction.

As a story collector, writer, and self-professed foodie, I travel with my mouth. The cuisine of a region offers a glimpse into the lives of the people who created it, and I want to see, hear, and taste their stories.

I’ve had the privilege of being invited into the homes and kitchens of many friends, and each memory holds a special place. While visiting a friend’s home village in India, I was invited into the kitchen to prepare lunch with the women of the family. A French friend taught me how to make a “proper” macaron in her kitchen in Shanghai. I spent countless hours at the feet of our hired ayi in China, watching her cook, and learning the rhythms and recipes she made for our family daily.

In Shanghai, my Swedish girlfriend invited a group of us over for a traditional afternoon tea known as fika. I still remember the fragrance of the strong Swedish coffee, the warmth of the sun shining through her kitchen window, and the taste of the desserts we enjoyed. To be invited into the home of another, to sit at their table, and to share a meal is an intimate experience, and it’s rare that I don’t leave feeling more nurtured, connected, and known.

When my husband and I moved back from our first overseas assignment, I had a difficult time finding my footing. I felt disconnected and discouraged by the growth of social media and the way it seemed to replace face-to-face human interaction and dialogue. When I realized others felt similarly, I decided to host and moderate dinner parties and discussions.

The success and feedback from the dinner party experiment confirmed what I’d been feeling all along. People want to connect with others. They want spaces where they can dig deeper and share their ideas with people who might not agree with them but will listen and dialog respectfully. They want to grow and learn and listen to others. Ultimately, they want to be experienced and known. Deep down, don’t we all?

When we moved into our new home a few years ago, the first thing I purchased was a dining table. I had grand visions of people gathered around it, eating together, sharing ideas, and connecting. I bought the biggest one I could find, along with two long benches, and began planning. I’ve lost count of the meals and people I have since entertained around this table.

Toward the end of last year, I was reflecting on what I wanted to do differently this year, and I realized I hadn’t hosted a single dinner party discussion. Sure, I was busy. But the truth was I couldn’t bring myself to do it. With all the current division, particularly among Christians, I couldn’t see a way to bridge the gap and set my table.

I’ve since realized that in my quest to avoid difficulty and hassle, I also avoided connecting with people.

But it’s a new year, and the table has been on my mind. The table is a symbol of God’s gift of grace and mercy in the Bible. The Last Supper was a meal shared for the last time between Jesus and his closest confidants. In that space were moments of beauty, promises, a betrayal, and ultimately, an outpouring of grace and mercy.

The table embodies invitation, belonging, sharing, and nurturing. It’s a sacred space. So how do we extend that gift to one another? How do we invite people into our lives? Love them anyway? Set the table for those who might not think like us, agree with us politically, or see the world the way we do?

Well, when I host a dinner party, I put a lot of time and thought into it. I spend hours planning the menu, shopping, and cooking. When the day comes, I cook, clean, and set the table. I arrange the place settings just so and tweak everything until it all looks just right. Then I wait for my guests to arrive.

Communing with others takes time, energy, and effort, so the answer to this question isn’t easy. But it is holy, worthwhile, and dare I say, our calling. The table is a metaphor for opening our lives to others. For me, an actual table happens to be involved. For you, it may not be.

Whatever our medium, what we need to do to engage has similar components. We invite. We prepare. We listen. We invest. We honor. The ministry of Jesus is one of reconciliation, restoration, and love, and we need to ask ourselves how and where we can take part in that.

Setting the table, metaphorically or literally, is a great place to start.

Jennifer Kinney lives in Shanghai China with her husband and twin sons. She works as a communications coordinator for a non-profit fighting to end human trafficking in Asia. When she isn’t doing that or playing referee to her two busy boys, she writes at jenkinney.com about her life abroad, random thoughts, and being a mom to a child with epilepsy.

Photograph © Chuttersnap, used with permission