Sharpened by Friendship

Like birds on a wire, but with our legs dangling beneath us, we sat side by side atop the blue-and-yellow monkey bars and giggled over things I no longer remember. It’s likely the conversation included music or movies or our annoying siblings. The important thing is, we enjoyed that time between the ringing recess bells immensely.

As we sat on those monkey bars, we wore matching Starter jackets as just one signifier of our unity. It was incredibly important for your friend to love the same team you did. It was important to have nearly everything in common.

That was more than twenty years ago. Not only am I grateful that the era of matching pullover coats has passed, but I’m also glad that the scope of friendship in adulthood values the differences between individuals. It celebrates them. What one friend doesn’t have, the other can provide. We strengthen each other with the unique perspectives we bring to the relationship.

As the Bible reminds us, “Two are better than one, because they have good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 NLT).

The women in my life today bring a variety of perspectives to widen my view of the world and of myself. I’m better off because of the friendships that provide balance when I’m unbalanced and knock me a little wobbly when I get stuck in my ways.

The friend who sits in stillness with you.

I met Meghan my first day of college. We bonded over our Spanish assignments and grew close. We’ve walked miles together to celebrate milestones, vent, or just reconnect. She never interrupts even when she should, and she’s always present and listening. I feel at peace with her. Pico Iyer’s book The Art of Stillness discusses how processing information requires quiet, calm, and a lack of interruption. Meghan’s stillness both calms and protects conversations from outside interruption so they can unfold. I’m neither quiet nor still, and I’d be lost without these lessons.

The friend who asks all the questions.

Erin is an expert interviewer. She never fails to ask the why and how of the stories I tell. With Erin, I’m reminded to reflect more on the people and situations I encounter. She keeps me accountable or gives me something new to consider. In both cases, I need to be willing to scratch away at the surface of how things appear. She keeps storytelling in check with her smart questions.

The friend who provides the example of grace.

Sabrina is a beautiful combination of strength and humility. She gracefully juggles an incredible load as a mother, wife, daughter, and career woman. If you remark on the wonder of what she accomplishes, she laughs. Then she tells you about the exam she’s taking to push herself to the next level, the miles she ran after helping the kids through their homework and finishing the dishes, and how she fills her weekends making memories with her friends and family. I’m inspired by her gentleness, her kindness, and her motivation.

The friend who demonstrates authenticity.

May you all have a Shannon. She doesn’t get caught up in the traps that easily consume many of us. Superficial opinions, noise, and negativity don’t suck her into a dark vortex. She’s steady, generous, and has an unwavering confidence in the compass bearing she’s chosen. Without making any physical gesture, her respectful candor smacks me out of shallow thinking, and she never strays from being her steady, good, authentic self.

Whether the topic is politics, religion, or the hardest-of-the-hard cultural topic, she navigates the conversation. She wades into the sea of hard things; she pushes and pulls at perspectives because “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT). She is an unvarnished version of herself because her power is in knowing no varnish is needed.

When I feel overwhelmed by the gift of living alongside these women, I match that intense emotion with intense gratitude. As Sarah Lundgren wrote in a 2015 post, “let gratitude go bone deep, and then use that gratitude to bless those around you.” Because God gave these gifts of friendship to enrich my life, I must live to bring that same generosity of spirit to conversations I have with friends.

What God has brought to my life reflects parts of him, his teachings, the way he hopes we’ll see him in the world around us. Believing God lives within us helps us identify him in our friends.

I have no idea what role God will craft for me in the lives of my friends. What I do know is that I’m grateful for the opportunity to be sharpened by their perspectives, and I welcome the adventures ahead.

If you don’t see Lacey Rose Dixon taking photos or writing, she’s thinking about it. So far, she’s called Minnesota, South Dakota, and Michigan home, and her passport gets itchy for stamps. Lacey loves scuba diving with her hubby and crawling after her little man. Follow her @laceyrosedixon on Twitter.

Photograph © Roxanne Desgagnés, used with permission