Forgiving the Prodigal

He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t give a lecture. He didn’t sulk or give the silent treatment. He ran. His arms were open. He bestowed gifts. He restored.

Do you forgive others the way the prodigal’s father forgave him? I will be the first to admit I do not.

Permit me a brief recap of this parable from Luke 15. A father has two sons. The youngest has an eye for adventure, and he asks for and receives his inheritance early. He goes off, squanders it, and finds himself serving slop to pigs. He realizes he would be better off as a servant in his father’s home, so he returns. He is ashamed, repentant, and broken. The father sees him returning and runs to meet him. He welcomes his son home and fully restores his position in the household. He then proceeds to throw a feast. The faithful older son is frustrated by how quickly and thoroughly his brother is welcomed, but the father is elated that his son, who was lost, is now found.

Let’s put ourselves in the place of the prodigal father. The offense of a child asking for his inheritance while you still live is a puncturing wound on its own. For that child to leave the safety of your home with no plans to return further twists the knife. (I recently told my children they must live no more than one hour away from me when they are adults, and I wasn’t kidding! I cannot imagine any of them exiting my life out of selfishness. At a minimum, I would be hurt, and I could see myself vacillating between hurt and anger over time.)

After this devastating blow, the father does not show anger. He exhibits no sadness. He does not put his son in the “dog house” to think about his mistakes. According to Jesus, forgiveness looks like open arms, gifts, and full restoration. What an overwhelmingly high bar! When I think about how I apply this truth in my life, I quickly conclude I fall woefully short of this example. The decision to forgive is often there, but the feelings of full restoration can take time.

This leads me to wonder if there can be any exceptions to this example. I think there can be. Some ways others treat us are spiritually, physically, or emotionally abusive. I believe we are still called to forgive even our abusers, more for our own health than for theirs. However, forgiveness does not exclude an appropriate boundary. We are not called through forgiveness to ensure endless abuse.

I also believe at times we need to discuss mistakes with our children to guide and correct them. I think the intent should be getting to the root of the heart issue causing the mistake, and the discussion should include an overarching veil of grace. In our home, we try to connect each situation first to who God is, and then to what he did for us. This informs who we are in him and then what our behavior should be as a result. Sometimes going straight to full restoration would miss a valuable lesson in identity for these little people we’re striving to mold into functional Christ followers.

Although forgiving exactly like the prodigal’s father in every situation may not be possible for our human hearts or even warranted in every situation, I know with the Spirit’s help I can strive to move closer to his example. My personality involves a strong desire for my offenders to know they have wronged me and how much it hurt. This is understandable but also selfish. It results in my refusal to engage in relationship.

My prayer is that God will help me move to restoration more fully and quickly, just as the prodigal’s father did.

Amy Wiebe is a Jesus follower, wife, mom of three, church planter, finance director, and lover of sarcasm and deep conversation with friends. She also loves camping, rafting, skiing, sewing, and having people over. Amy blogs with her husband at fringechurch.com.