Be Kind to the Woman in the Mirror

We preach kindness to our children. We seek to show love, compassion, and respect to the people around us. Too often, though, we’re unkind and neglectful to one of God’s cherished creations: the woman we see in the mirror every day.

I’m not talking about manicures and massages here—although I think those are important too. This kind of self-care is even simpler: show basic human kindness to yourself. Treat yourself with the dignity and respect you give to everyone else. But how?

Here are three ways:

Don’t Procrastinate

In the TV show How I Met Your Mother, Ted and his buddies justify poor decisions by putting the responsibility on their future selves. “That’s next-Monday-Ted’s problem!” Ted declares, walking away from his work project to hang out with friends.

I’m scrambling to meet a deadline on a project today. Three women were supposed to complete it before now, but instead they dropped the ball, leaving all the responsibility at my feet. Who were these three rude, disrespectful people who thought their personal time was more important than mine? They were one-month-ago-me, two-weeks-ago-me, and even yesterday-me. Yes, my own procrastination has now led to stress, frustration, and worry that I’m letting somebody down. Why didn’t I just tackle the project when I knew I should? Why did I treat myself so unkindly by leaving it until the last minute?

I am nothing if not a work in progress! I’m learning, though, to take advantage of the time I have instead of squandering it. Dealing with procrastination may not seem like self-care, but let me assure you, the two are related. Procrastination seems fun in the moment, but in the long run, it leaves us stressed and frustrated. Unfortunately, it also spills into other parts of our lives. We may have to cancel plans, withdraw from the people around us to finish the tasks we’ve been putting off, or just infect our loved ones with our stressed-out attitude.

How do we stop procrastinating? Sometimes it’s as easy as buying a pretty planner or using an online calendar. I schedule tasks as small as folding laundry to keep myself on track. Seeing them in black and white gives weight to responsibilities I might otherwise blow off and helps me stay focused. If you’re tempted by social media or games on your phone, turn off the internet for a while or delete your enticing apps. You can reinstall them later, when your work is done. You’ll feel better if you stay on top of your commitments, and that counts as self-care.

Evaluate Your Commitments

We love to say yes. Yes is a nice word, and much more fun to say than no. We must remember, though, that every yes we give is also a no to something else—time with our families, another opportunity that might have been a better fit, or even just our own sanity. In other words, when we overcommit, we’re saying no to peace and contentment in our own lives.

Although it isn’t easy, learning to say no gives us freedom. When we evaluate our commitments carefully, we make sure we’re spending our time on tasks that are important and/or life-giving rather than just filling up our calendars because we can. We learn to find our significance in honoring God with our time, not striving to create it with busyness.

Speak Words of Life

I try to impress on my kids how much their words matter, but it’s easy to forget that when I’m talking to myself. How many times a day do we sabotage ourselves with thoughts like I can’t believe I was stupid enough to do that! or I’ll never be that skinny or My opinion doesn’t even matter?

Friends, this must stop. What we feed grows. If we continue to speak unkind words to ourselves, our frustration and discontent will grow. If, however, we speak words of life to ourselves, joy takes root and something beautiful can grow.

Replacing our negative thought patterns can be tricky. I struggled with “positive self-talk” for years because I followed any positive thoughts with “Of course, I’m just lying to myself.” Then I chose to focus on what I knew was true: the Bible. I found verses to remind me of my identity in Christ and of how God sees me, and then I put them on my mirror, in my car, and on my refrigerator. I surrounded myself with words of life and let them soak in. Positive God-Talk, as I like to call it, is a great way to begin changing those thought patterns and start feeding our spirits what they need to grow.

In Ephesians 2:10, Paul encourages us, saying, “We are God’s masterpiece” (NLT). A masterpiece is created with love. It’s a source of pride. It’s a treasured creation. That’s what you are to God. Shouldn’t you treat God’s masterpiece with care and love? It’s time to be kind to the woman in the mirror. After all, she’s special.

Katy Epling is a writer, speaker, and “masterpiece in progress” (Ephesians 2:10) from Akron, Ohio. She and her husband Jon have three beautiful children who provide her with multitudes of material—both dramatic and comedic. Learn more about her heart and ministry at katyepling.com.

Photograph © Xan Griffin, used with permission