Expect Good Gifts in the Hard Places

Fear gripped my throat as gravel crunched under the car’s tires, and I can still see the winter sun casting long shadows with its soft light. I had kissed my children good-bye just minutes before, unsure if I would see them again in hours, days, or weeks. My husband took my hand in his to calm my broken heart as we made our way to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital.

The anxiety and depression that had been building for weeks hit a tipping point that afternoon when the simple act of putting away nail polish remover led my frazzled mind down a rabbit hole of all the things in my home that could harm my loved ones or me. I wondered if I was capable of hurting myself. When these intrusive thoughts drowned out my rational line of thinking, I knew I needed help. My voice shook as I shared these disturbing thoughts with my husband, afraid of what he would think of me. A quick call to my therapist confirmed my need for evaluation. I cannot remember feeling more scared, alone, or lost than I did during that half-hour drive.

When many of us think of examples of great suffering, our minds go right to Job. It’s hard to think of anyone who suffered more hardship than Job encountered. In a single day, he lost his children, his livelihood, and his property (Job 1:1–22). Those close to Job urged him to curse God and die. Job questioned God, yet he never completely renounced him. At the end of the book, we read that Job repented for doubting God, saying, “I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you” (42:5 ESV).

I can say I’ve felt the real presence of God in only a very few moments in my life. Sitting in that waiting room was one of those holy moments, when I saw God as Job did. I was so scared to walk into that ward, afraid I might never walk out. But as my feet crossed the threshold, a supernatural peace spilled into my heart. As nurses placed a tracking device on my wrist and collected any items that could be deemed dangerous from my purse, God reminded me that even in this, my darkest of moments, blessings could be found.

The help of top-notch local health care and wise physicians led to quick care. A supportive husband and friends ensured all external worries were attended to so I could focus on getting well. The kind psychiatric staff made sure I felt understood and assured me the intrusive thoughts I was experiencing were a common symptom of anxiety. I left the hospital after a few hours, armed with tools to help me start working through my mental health challenges and a deeper faith.

The unmistakable closeness of God during those hours is a blessing I still carry. In that waiting room, while I counted my blessings, God brought a realization to my mind: even if I never recovered from this anxiety and remained in this trial for life, God was still good. He is the ultimate blessing in the trial, the constant companion we can cry out to or lean on when we are at our weakest. He is enough.

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If you are in a season of hardship while everyone around you gives thanks for their blessings, remember that fragments of grace hide in our trials like bits of sea glass strewn on a sandy beach, unique beauty in a sea of rubble. The greatest blessing, a Savior who understands the pain of life, shines like the sun on the waves guiding us through rough waters. Stand firm in your trials and expect good gifts from God in the hard places. As a line from one of my favorite songs says, he’s “never gonna let us down.”

Lindsay is a happy wife and homeschooling mom to three kids. Whether she is reading, running, gardening, teaching, cooking, dancing, writing, or chasing hens, she counts it all as joy. Lindsay writes about this beautiful life at searchforthesimple.com.

Photograph © Nik MacMillan, used with permission