Controlling the Flow

Nearly twenty years ago, my husband, Russ, officiated his first wedding. Somewhere in the planning process I was asked to help coordinate the festivities, but I forgot to mention one thing about the end of the ceremony.

It’s customary for the guests to remain seated as the entire wedding party makes its way out of the sanctuary. Most often the pastor will give a short invitation to attend a reception and request that everyone wait until the ushers excuse them.

This did not happen.

The bride and groom barely made it out of the chapel before floods of people pushed their way to the back of the church. I panicked, threw up my hands, and bellowed, “Stop! Wait! Go back!” I was met with disgusted glares and the realization that I cannot control the actions of others. But I could learn to respond differently.

It might be obvious to others that the order of exit from a wedding ceremony does not make someone’s big day. The vows will not be nullified and the reception will not be canceled, although Uncle Harold will still make a scene doing the mambo.

The world is full of people like me—folks who throw their arms up in the air, hoping to control the direction of the crowd. Our shrill voices rise in protest over matters so trivial we get to the end of the conversation without a shred of the original argument in place. We make our own controversy as our attempt to direct the world does nothing but create strife. Social media has only expanded the problem. Everyone with an opinion gets to weigh in on every non-issue.

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18 NKJV).

This short verse holds the best relationship advice in a few powerful words. The responsibility falls on us to do as much as possible to get along without the weight of blame for the actions of others. When we begin to grasp the depth of grace and forgiveness, peace will flow gently through us, affecting those around us. Crowds are nearly impossible to tame, but our reactions and responses can be tamed and controlled. Doing this will bring peace to our own hearts and the lives of others.

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I’ve listened to those who have patiently taught me to see a more precise vision of what’s important, to the friends and leaders who have taken the time to be available to me as examples of Christlike attributes. And in doing so, I’ve found another way to bring calm and peace is to be willing to love. In that willingness, I’ve put my arm around those who too quickly see the chaos. I’ve listened to those whose actions point to a deeper place of frustration. Some would call that being a mentor; I just call it being around, living true kindness from a heart full of God’s grace and goodness. The true grace that allows me to be honestly kind and overflowing with peace.

The only flow I try to control these days is the crowd of thoughts my inner perfectionist entertains. The overthinking that tells me a right way always exists. Those external, learned responses from others whose rules were originally ideas that became traditions, because that’s what repetition does.

Those rules devoid of love and that increase the burdens we were never meant to carry are much easier to lay aside now. Those things that protect our heart and souls? Those I hope to let roam free.

Jemelene Wilson is a passionate storyteller who writes of faith, hope, love, and food. She’s madly in love with her pastor husband and mama bear to two daughters. Grace is a fairly new concept she is exploring with her life and words. Mama Jem believes we should live gently and love passionately. You can find more of her writing at jemelene.com.