Finding a New Normal

As summer transitioned into fall a few years ago, I found myself with tears in my eyes because the milk I placed in my grocery cart had a September 5 expiration date.

They will both be gone by September 5, I thought sorrowfully, trying to blink away the tears.

The expiration date on the milk seemed to eerily coincide with what felt like the dissolution of my family. After twenty years of hands-on parenting, my youngest was headed off to college and my nest was about to be empty. Although I was excited for my children’s new adventures, I felt overwhelmed by the sense of loss and fearful of the spaces left behind. My identity was wrapped up in my role as Mom, and I wondered how I would find a new normal in this season of transition.

Transitions are hard, aren’t they?

As I think back on the most difficult seasons of my life, a major transition is almost always involved. I experienced growing pains when my parents divorced, when I left for college, and when my husband and I moved across the country as newlyweds. It took time to establish a solid footing after having my first baby; after having a second, much more high maintenance baby; and after leaving paid employment to stay home with my girls. Job and church changes required adjustments and patience while I waited to settle into new and different routines.

As I moved into my new identity as an empty-nest parent that year, I realized part of my struggle was leaving my comfort zone. I was content as a parent of high schoolers. I liked their friends hanging around, and I liked volunteering at their school. I liked bearing daily witness to their growing, evolving, changing, and becoming. Our family had a comfortable rhythm with me at the helm of the reasonably smooth sailing ship. Even with the inevitable challenges of raising teenagers, I knew who I was and what was expected of me in all my roles. This new stage in our family’s life turned everything upside down and forced me to re-examine my goals, purpose, priorities, and desires.

Just as with the transitions in previous seasons, leaving the safe familiar made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, unsure about how to be me in these changing circumstances. Like a gawky preteen navigating the intimidating halls of a new middle school, I wondered if the awkwardness would ever lessen, if I would ever feel normal again.

The answer is yes. And no.

As I consider the ways I’ve navigated seasons of transition in my life, I’m reminded God is in the business of loving us through the awkward and uncomfortable, the grieving of loss, the feelings of sadness, and the adjustment to the inevitable changes life throws our way. I remember my emotions are a gift from him and a normal part of being human. God is right beside me when I struggle to find my way to a new normal. Through the highs and lows of life, God is as close as my next breath. Through the unique challenges of each season of transition, God’s faithfulness is the one constant.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9 we are reminded of God’s power when we feel overwhelmed by the winds of change: “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (NLT).

As I turn to God in prayer, I find a safe place for my sadness, my awkwardness, and my questions. I remember I am God’s beloved and that he will never leave me or forsake me. God is with me and strengthens me with his love. In God, I can do all things. In God, I am brave and I am filled with a spirit of power, love, and self-control. Nothing is too hard for my God.

Kelly Johnson is a counselor, writer, speaker, and advocate. She leads a weekly Bible study and serves as chair of the board of directors at a local shelter for the homeless. Married to her high school sweetheart, she is the mom of two college-age daughters. Kelly writes about life, faith, and her newly empty nest at kellyiveyjohnson.com.

Photograph © Caleb Frith, used with permission