Called Higher

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31: 10-31)

We’re all likely familiar with the biblical Wife of Noble Character, also known as the Proverbs 31 woman, with her family (well-cared for), her vineyards (abundant), and her purple clothes (signifying wealth and status). It’s also likely that we all feel she models a lifestyle that’s all but unattainable. Like a Pinterest board on How to Be a Perfect Woman. Who could possibly live up to such standards?

It’s unquestionable that today’s woman is faced with a great deal. Modern life, with all its “conveniences” has only added to the number of things the average wife and mother has to manage. Many work full-time outside the home, and those who do not face equally strenuous demands as they navigate managing a household on one income. Then there is the house to care for; meals to plan for, shop for, and cook; laundry to keep up with; errands to run; kids’ activities to get to; finances to manage and more. Social media has only added more pressure. Pinterest-perfect homes and birthday parties, wardrobes and dinner parties. Where does it end?

I believe we are starting to see the backlash of all this pressure. A few weeks ago, a young mom I know posted a list of all the ways she is “failing.” All the ways she has “given up.” And she did so rather proudly, affirming the fact that she spends her days in ratty t-shirts and no makeup, her family eats dinner in front of the TV every night while the dining room table is just a place to pile stuff, and the laundry sits in baskets for days. By the time I saw it, her post had over 100 comments, all made by other young moms who freely and proudly expressed their own similar practices.

It made me sad. The dinner thing alone was enough to make me take notice; there are plenty of statistics out there about how beneficial it is for both kids and parents to sit down together for dinner at the table.

Her post also made me wonder, “What does God have to say about wifehood and motherhood?” I mean, I agree that we all need to scrap the Pinterest pressures of picture-perfect homes and families. But living your life in ratty t-shirts and eating dinner every night in front of the TV isn’t the right response, either, I don’t believe.

So let’s take a closer look at a few pieces of the actual Scripture in Proverbs 31. Let’s peel aside the cultural context of vineyards and merchant ships that arrive in the night and purple clothes and a husband who is respected at the city gates. Let’s look at what the writer of this passage is really getting at.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She inspires the confidence of her spouse. He knows he can rely on her. She’s the yin to his yang.

She gets up while it is still night. She’s an early riser. She gets a jump on things before the rest of her family is up, enabling her to be prepared for the day.

She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She attends to what she has to do with energy. She’s not lazy. She gets the job done.

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. She makes time for people in need. She’s not selfish or self-focused.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She doesn’t worry about the future, because she is strong in her faith and trusts the Lord.

Her children arise and call her blessed. She takes good care of her kids, and their behavior reflects her careful parenting.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She is wise. She gives good advice. She can be trusted by family and friends.

Now, by no means am I a perfect wife, mom, or friend–far from it–but I do want to challenge those of you who struggle with ratty t-shirts as your uniform and dinner in front of the TV every night. Do you think God might be calling you just a little higher? Are you honoring the Lord in how you manage your home, nurture your family, and care for yourself?

Granted, we all go through seasons of Survival Mode. I’m not talking here to the chronically ill, the mom with a newborn, or the person whose house just got foreclosed. I’m talking to the rest of us. The ones functioning in some kind of Normal Mode. The ones who could, if we tried, give a little more of our best every day. The ones who maybe need to stop settling for putting forth minimum effort. Is it time to clear off the dining room table and have a meal there a few times a week? Is it time to lay aside the ratty t-shirts and make a little more effort in the mornings? Is it time to start a new laundry habit, maybe one load a day that gets washed, dried, folded, and put away, to help you keep up? If you’re the mom who lies in bed until you’re awakened by the sound of your kids jumping on the furniture, what benefits could you glean from setting an alarm and grabbing a quiet hour to yourself before little people are awake and at it?

God doesn’t ask us to be Pinterest-perfect, but he does ask us to be good stewards of all he gives us–our homes, our resources, our bodies, our relationships. How are you stewarding yours?

Harmony Harkema has loved the written word for as long as she can remember. A former English teacher turned editor, she has spent the past seven years in the publishing industry. A novelist and blogger in the fringe hours of her working mom life, Harmony also has a heart for leading and coaching aspiring writers. Harmony lives in Memphis with her car-loving husband and two small daughters. She blogs at harmonyharkema.com.

Photograph © Jude Beck, used with permission