The Truth in Love

Julie is a Christ follower and a loyal friend whose greatest desire is to glorify God. But Julie has a blind spot. She belittles her husband and makes snide remarks about him. She doesn’t see the impact her words have on her marriage or her testimony.

Two of Julie’s friends are alarmed by her loose tongue.

Andrea considers confronting Julie. Andrea believes Julie brings shame on the Savior and harms the kingdom of God by degrading her husband. As Andrea prepares, her inner dialogue looks something like this:

Julie, you say you are a Christian, but the words coming out of your mouth sound nothing like a Christian. You are condemning your husband and you know that’s wrong! The Bible says wives should submit to their husbands. You are elevating yourself above your husband when you gossip about him. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Andrea believes Julie needs a wake-up call and that she is just the one to give it to her.

***

Kristen, on the other hand, prays as she prepares to talk to Julie. She is mindful of Jesus’ words, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Cor. 13:1 NIV). She imagines the conversation to go something like this:

“Julie, your love for Jesus touches people. God has given you a platform to many women.” She pauses briefly, then continues. “Julie, you know I love you, right? Would you allow me to speak into your life?” When Julie nods, she goes on. “Are you aware of how often you cast a negative light on your husband? Yesterday, after Bible Study, you said Chip left popcorn strewn across the living room. I heard you say, ‘He’s such a slob, you’d think a grown man would pick up after himself!'”

Kristen pauses again to allow her words to sink in. “Julie, our husbands need us to believe in them. The greatest gift we have to offer is our respect. I ask God to alert me when I dishonor Jeff. God has been so faithful to stop me in my tracks.”

Finally, Kristen encourages Julie to seek Godly counsel when she needs support or feels trapped.

***

Tell me, which friend would you choose? Which friend does more harm than good? Which friend would turn your heart to Jesus?

One friend, though well-intentioned, is speaking words of shame and condemnation from a place of arrogance. The other friend seeks God before she opens her mouth; she speaks the truth in love.

Though Kristen’s words initially hurt, they are far more likely to motivate Julie to be a better wife.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Prov. 27:6 ESV).

Have you been on the receiving end of a mean-spirited comment or conversation? No matter the messenger’s intent, if the message lacks love, it is ineffective. It insults and may even scar the hearer. Words without love are like a clanging cymbal.

When you hear a noisy gong, what happens? You plug your ears and block the noise. The same thing happens to words devoid of love. The hearer blocks them out, in effect saying, “I can’t hear you because of the offensive noise you are making.”

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer (Ps. 19:14 ESV).

Susan Ream is basking in the grace of God. She loves all kinds of people. Being a Mom is her favorite role. She has collected many “kids” throughout the years. Most of her life she has been a pastor’s wife. She cherished that opportunity and proudly supported her devoted husband. She is a mother to three grownups and Nana to eleven extraordinary grandkids. Much of her writing features insights gained through the messes of life. God never wastes a hurt, and He is faithful to work ALL things together for our good. You can follow her at nanaslovenotes.com.