The Shame-Slaying Power of Grace and Gratitude
“Are you expecting?” The question hung in the air as our footfalls echoed off the paved trail. My feet were moving at a steady pace on that early morning run, but my mind froze at her question. I was not pregnant. In fact, my “baby” had recently turned three.
With those three words, shame began to creep into my thoughts with its familiar, hurtful questions. Why haven’t you lost the baby weight yet? No wonder she asked that! Don’t you have the self-control to finally get in shape?
I had a choice to make in that moment. I could listen to the shame reel playing in my head and give my fellow runner a harsh answer. I could distance myself from her. Or I could extend grace to both myself and the woman beside me, finding gratitude in this hard place.
Shame researcher Brené Brown, PhD explains the difference between shame and guilt in her book Daring Greatly. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.” Shame becomes a part of our identity, affecting our self-worth and relationships. Shame can lead to anger, depression, and withdrawal from community.
God did not design us for shame. He wanted–wants–freedom for us. We are held in shame by the bondage of our sin and the work of the enemy. Jesus is God’s plan to defeat shame. He came to the earth with the shame-slaying power of grace. John 3:17 tells us, “God did not send his Son to the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him” (ESV).
Shame condemns. Jesus forgives. He extended grace to strangers like the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1–29), and to Peter, one of his closest friends and confidants, after a betrayal (John 21:15–17). He wants to share that same grace with us. We are reminded in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that his grace is all we need, and his strength is highlighted in our weakness.
Grace and gratitude are the most powerful weapons in our shame arsenal. We need to give grace to ourselves, and to others, to defeat shame. When we fully accept the grace of Christ, we cannot help but exude gratitude. Shame loses its power in the face of grace and gratitude. The shame-slaying power spreads to others as they see us live in grace and gratitude.
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I took a deep breath as I continued up the hill with my companion. I told her with a smile that I was not expecting. Her face reddened as she realized her error. I faced my shame and embarrassment with grace, and I was able to extend grace to her as I forgave her mistake. I laughed as I told her my belly was left over from carrying three healthy, beautiful, and amazing children.
A flat stomach would be nice, but I still marvel at how God created my body to partner with him in the work of creation. My body is far from perfect by the world’s standards. God reminds me my body is strong, capable, and working for his eternal kingdom. Sharing my gratitude for my children and my body with my friend quieted the voice of shame in my head and reminded me of God’s provision and blessing. By sharing grace and gratitude instead of shame and anger, we are witnesses for the transforming work of Christ in our lives.
Lindsay is a happy wife and homeschooling mom to three kids. Whether she is reading, running, gardening, teaching, cooking, dancing, writing, or chasing hens, she counts it all as joy. Lindsay writes about this beautiful life at searchforthesimple.com.
