Devotion: Conversations That Matter

 

“Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.” ~Margaret Wheatley

We looked around the room, eyeing each other nervously, the twenty of us strangers at a weekend training course. Some of us attempted to make awkward conversation with the people on either side of us. We carefully broached the usual questions regarding where we lived, what we do, and the always safe topic of weather.

Our group leader called us to attention, then invited us to stand up, wander around the room, and introduce ourselves to one another by asking this question:

“What is your dream for your life?”

Moving from one person to the next, I stammered through my response the first few times but grew increasingly confident as I marveled at how many of us had similar dreams.

As I traveled around the room, I began adding depth to my response. I discovered kindred spirits and a receptive audience. As we all grew more comfortable, the energy and feeling of connection in the room was palpable. With the ice effectively broken, our leader laughed as he struggled to quiet us and move on to the next activity.

Talking about our dreams is not something most of us routinely do, in spite of our inherent desire to know and be known. Although we may hunger for it, true connection is often difficult in our busy everyday lives. We hurry past one another with a cursory how-do-you-do and an obligatory fine-thank-you as we move on to the next item on our to-do lists.

How often do we begin a conversation with a deep question? And if we do, how well do we listen to the response?

One way we can have conversations that really matter is by asking powerful questions. Asking open-ended questions lets the people in our lives know we are truly interested in who they are, what they think, and how they are feeling. Closed-ended questions, questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no response, shut down conversation and limit insight. Open-ended questions invite connection and sharing.

Thoughtful questions like the following communicate our desire to truly listen:

• What did you like most about that experience?
• What are you hoping will happen?
• How did that make you feel?

If we are brave enough to ask better questions, we also must be willing to do the hard work of listening well to the answers. Good listening requires intentionality, patience, and practice. As a naturally loquacious person, listening well is something that requires my full energy and attention. It requires me to stop thinking about what I’m going to say next, and instead choose to be fully present and curious about the beautiful human being in front of me.

Offering another the gift of our presence, our fully present presence, is worth the effort. Asking good questions and choosing to listen well invites others into conversations that really matter.

Lord, help us to remember you created us to live in intimate connection with one another. We are wired to need one another, and we are most courageous in the context of community. Help us to ask better questions and listen well to the responses we receive. Help us to be brave when someone invites us into a deep conversation. Nudge us toward deeper connection, and make us curious about the people you place in our lives. Intimacy can be scary, but it is worth the risk. Thank you for making us brave.

Scripture for Reflection

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5 NIV)

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” (Proverbs 18:2 NIV)

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:9-10 NIV)

Reach for More

This week’s challenge is to be brave enough to start conversations that matter. Be curious about the ways you routinely communicate, and experiment with using more powerful questions. Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a yes or no response, ask your friends and loved ones open-ended questions, and hen invite them to tell you more. Try asking five good questions before you make a single statement or offer an opinion. If you are feeling really brave, practice going deeper with your family at the dinner table one night by using one of these conversation starters:

• Tell the story of a time you felt truly alive.
• Tell us your biggest dream for your life.
• What is one thing you would like to change in the world?

Friends, please come back and leave a comment telling us what happened when you experimented with asking better questions. Tell us how you learned to be a better listener, how God spoke to you this week, or share your progress on social media using the hashtag #tgtreachformore. We would love to hear from you.

Kelly Johnson is a counselor, writer, speaker, and advocate. She leads a weekly Bible study and serves as chair of the board of directors at a local shelter for the homeless. Married to her high school sweetheart, she is the mom of two college-age daughters. Kelly writes about life, faith, and her newly empty nest at kellyjohnsongracenotes.com.