Let Yourself Rest at the Table
I’ll admit it: I’ve coveted the ease with which others throw parties. I’ve wondered how some people–some women–seem to keep their wits about them when they have a hundred things going on and people visiting and they seem so calm (we don’t need to mention the times when I try to cook while having a conversation with someone and I end up missing two or three vital ingredients).
For much of my life, I’ve been intimidated by hospitality. I’ve been intimidated by the prospect of sharing my table. I’ve wondered if I need to reach some sort of bar to invite others to my table and my world. This has kept me isolated when what my soul needed was a good ol’ time at the table with friends.
What I’ve begun to realize over the last decade of my life is that Jesus utilized the table as a way to connect, not a way to prove anything. This is teaching me to rest at the table.
I share this information with you earnestly because it’s okay to be vulnerable and say I’m scared of hospitality. A lot of people ignorantly ask, Isn’t that what women do? Aren’t women supposed to be good at that?
I get it. At least I think I do. Most of us have fond memories of feeling at home with someone or taken care of by someone to whom hospitality comes naturally, and it causes us to think it should be easy.
What I’ve found is that for me, hospitality isn’t easy—it’s a gift, a sacrifice of time and heart space. I’ve found it takes a certain maturity and emotional stability to say, “You come as you are, and I’ll be who I am, and we’ll go from there.”
In my own process of letting go of perfectionism, the most healing thing I’ve learned is that God made me uniquely who I am, so I don’t need to meet other people’s expectations. Instead, I can use how he made me to bless people.
Want to know how it looks these days? It looks like honoring the fact that I’m terrible at multitasking, so I delegate. It looks like preparing stuff mostly ahead so I can be present with people. It looks like when things go wrong (which they inevitably do), I breathe deep and remind myself my identity fully rests in who God made me to be, not what I do.
This is my particular area of struggle, but all of us have a version of it. Whether it’s parenting or career-related, or hospitality like me, most of us have an area about which we feel insecure, an area about which we worry we will never be able to meet expectations.
It’s in those moments that Jesus is most powerful and beautiful to us, though. In our tender places of brokenness, I believe he wants us to feel the confidence to approach him. Like the sinful woman in Luke who felt like she could approach Jesus: even with her reputation and even with the Pharisees surrounding him, she felt she could come and kneel at his feet (Luke 7:38 NIV). Oh, that we would press into his gentle love for us, especially in our deepest weakness or insecurity.
This is my hope for the tables at which we gather, dear reader. May they be places where we all can rest well, where in each other’s presence we experience grace and laughter and tears—and mostly Jesus. May he find us faithful to the example he has set—that our tables and our lives would be approachable and comforting in a world that is hurting and in need of our open arms.
Aundi Kolber loves Jesus, people, and stories. She has a goofy sense of humor, but may start a deep conversation within five minutes of meeting you. She is a professional counselor in Colorado. Her hope is to use her voice to talk about hard and beautiful things. Aundi blogs at bravelyimperfect.com.
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Beautiful, Aundi! I was one who used to enjoy “entertaining” another couple or two from time to time in my home. I enjoyed cooking and tried to make something that I thought would bless our guests, but over time it has become a bit more time intensive than I seem to recall it used to be and I can never really enjoy people as much as a result. I think one factor more recently is something that may sound silly. When I was younger the times of getting together with other couples usually included our children and it was the inexpensive way we fellowshipped. It was something we took turns doing and we all became more relaxed helping each other out in each other’s kitchens and it was fun. In recent years, that camaraderie doesn’t seem to be common. Often guests are sitting in my living room while I zip around the kitchen finishing things rather than them sipping on coffee or lemonade visiting with me. As a result, I do it less often and enjoy it only about half as much. For me, the food was always incidental to the fellowship around the table, but now it sometimes feels like I am the hostess of an inn perhaps. I miss the easier times before, but I save those times of having people over for dinner for those people who will enjoy spending time with me in the kitchen tossing the salad as I put finishing touches on everything else.
Pam, thanks so much for sharing your experience and for reading! I agree, different stages of life bring up different ways of bringing folks into our lives. I love that you are finding how to do that well in the current season of life you are in. Grateful to have you here.