The Power of Kind Words

It was my first time at the movies, and I remember holding a tub of popcorn that was larger than my lap. My parents spent more time reminding me to stay in my seat than watching the movie, yet  many scenes from that first theater experience stuck with me.

The feature was Bambi, and Thumper, the silly bunny sidekick, was the main character as far as I was concerned. When his mother caught him in the middle of saying or doing something mischievous, she’d remind him of the family rule. Thumper would tuck his furry little front paws behind his back, draw a circle on the ground with his foot, and recite: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

Since I loved everything about that first movie experience from the big seats to the characters’ voices booming in stereo sound, my mother rightfully took advantage of the line I’d memorized and reminded me often to watch my words and be polite.

At some point during my childhood and adolescent years, I began to place far more emphasis on the “don’t say nothing at all” part. In fact, even today I catch myself saying nothing at times when I know I should speak out in encouragement. Instead, I politely refrain from saying positive, uplifting things that should come easily.

God reminds us that “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad” (Prov. 12:25 AMP). Simple and perfect. Yet I ask myself, What help could I be in saying something? Maybe a lot.

At key times in my life, kind words from friends and strangers have uplifted me in beautiful ways.

When my son was just two weeks old, I managed to get both of us to the grocery store bathed, clothed, fed, and happy. It was a big victory for a new mom. When I caught the gaze of another woman in the grocery store, however, my good thoughts were replaced by doubts. I was convinced she was sizing me up, that I’d used the wrong baby shampoo, selected the wrong outfit, hadn’t buckled the car seat properly, or was buying produce that wasn’t grown with the right standards.

Instead, she walked over to me and said, “You’re doing a great job, Mama.”

She lifted me up at a fragile time with just the right words. I can only hope the surprise and delight in my face lifted her as well. What if she had said nothing at all?

We can focus on the critics, latch onto the negative things we see and hear, and repeat nagging thoughts to ourselves. I don’t think that’s really who we are, though. When I look closely at friends and family—or even at the kind stranger in the grocery store—I see positive people who think the world of one another.

In her 2013 TEDxUCDavis talk, “Getting stuck in the negatives (and how to get unstuck),” psychology professor Alison Ledgerwood said we forget to talk about the good stuff, “yet that’s exactly where our minds need the most practice.” Her research suggests that our minds hold on to negative information, and we need to retrain ourselves to see the positive aspects of our circumstances.

What’s beautiful about this is that while we are retraining our own minds, we are also retraining the minds of others. Speaking and hearing positive truths is so much better than reinforcing insecurities or allowing ourselves to feel threatened or judged when we’re really looking at each other and thinking:

I admire you.

I think what you’re doing is fantastic.

You inspire me.

We can make a world of difference instead of saying nothing at all.

If you don’t see Lacey Rose Dixon taking photos or writing, she’s thinking about it. So far, she’s called Minnesota, South Dakota, and Michigan home, and her passport gets itchy for stamps. Lacey loves scuba diving with her hubby and crawling after her little man. Follow her @laceyrosedixon on Twitter.

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