Healing for the Homesick Heart
I lasted three hours in the car, blinking back tears, before I finally gave in and let them pour down my cheeks. The interstate miles ticked by on the odometer, and I couldn’t stop the sadness in my heart from overflowing.
Earlier that morning, I’d hugged and kissed my parents goodbye, ready to depart for home after a wonderful visit. I use many tricks to keep myself from falling apart in my parents’ driveway. I wear sunglasses so they don’t see my eyes filling with tears. I smile big to mask my hurt. I keep my words short and sweet in fear that my voice will crack.
The facade never lasts, and I inevitably break down crying at some point. I love visiting my family, and I am so thankful for time spent with them, but the goodbye always wrecks me.
My parents and brother live in Florida. My sister lives in Tennessee. My in-laws live in Idaho. I live in Michigan. I have not lived within five hundred miles of an immediate family member for fifteen years.
Homesickness haunts me. I’m not longing for a place, but for my people. I yearn to have my own parents nearby to counsel and support me as I raise my children. I want go shopping on the weekends with my sister and visit with my brother while our kids play together in the yard. I want them to see the soccer games, first steps, and wiggly baby teeth in person instead of through a phone screen.
I used to feel I was being ungrateful for God’s provision of a beautiful life when I spent time lamenting the distance from my family. It seemed selfish and thankless to pray about what was missing when I had so much.[Tweet “The more I share my hurt with God, the more healing work he is doing in my heart.”]
My perspective changed when I realized not only had God placed us in Michigan for a reason, but he had prepared the way for us. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”(NIV). God knew I would live far from family. God knew I would struggle with homesickness and be overcome with emotion on those long drives home. He also knew I would stand in awe of the good life he has given me.
God sits with me in moments of sorrow and joy. He is both beside and before me in all circumstances. The complexity of life amazes me more the older I get. As a young adult, I expected my emotions to be black or white. I could be sad or happy. I now know most things are gray and bittersweet, a mingling of many emotions. God wants them all.
We can trust God with our homesickness and other hurts. He isn’t offended when we share our pain. He is honored by our honesty. We can be completely transparent, laying both our gratitude and our grief before him in prayer and trusting him right where we are.
Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (ESV). My plans never included Michigan, but we have fallen in love with it. Moving to Michigan was not an accident. God orchestrated the move perfectly and led us to a vibrant community. Our roots are growing deep here. Our marriage is strong from years of walking this road together. We have many friends who are transplants as well, and we have become a surrogate family for one another.
When we do gather with family, we make the time count. We let petty differences go. We don’t take our families for granted.
I am sure next time I say goodbye to my family, tears will be shed. Tears of heartache and tears of thanksgiving. There is comfort in knowing my tears fall into the hands of my Creator, the ultimate healer, and that he is ready to listen to the cries of my heart. He heals my homesickness with his presence and his grace.
Lindsay Hufford is a happy wife and homeschooling mom to three kids. Whether she is reading, running, gardening, teaching, cooking, dancing, writing, or chasing hens, she counts it all as joy. Lindsay writes about this beautiful life at searchforthesimple.com.
Your tears and emotions are shared. Beautiful writings.