Becoming New

“Oh what we would be if we stopped carrying the remains of who we were.” ~Tyler Knot Gregson

When I boarded a train in New York to attend college in Dallas, I had two pieces of luggage and two days of travel before me. The unknown seemed as vast as the plains that stretched from the Great Lakes to Texas.

The problem was that my past came with me. It wasn’t in either suitcase, so I am not sure what happened. My sophomore year I studied abroad in Italy. It showed up there too.

How far do I have to go? I wondered.

Sometimes the distance to our own hearts is not in miles but years.

I carried who I was into my marriage, early years of parenting, and other relationships as well. I tried so hard to make it all work, but I failed. You see, I was never meant to carry everything by myself.

When I cried out to God, he heard my prayer. I was broken and admitted that I had no idea how I got where I was. I was tired of running and exhausted from trying to make my life look the way I envisioned it in my head. I pictured a Norman Rockwell version of a happy family sitting around the table. From what I gathered, they all got along and loved each other well.

I’ve learned that we can’t keep nursing our hurts, carrying them around with us, and still expect to live with the freedom of Christ. At some point, he asks us to release them. Do we have to forget them? I don’t think so. We need to be mindful of our wounds and weaknesses but not preoccupied with them. For me, it’s those same areas where the enemy will work hard to trip me or at which he’ll aim his arrows of deceit.

God uses our brokenness for our ministry, but it is not our identity.

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When we feel broken, lifeless, passionless, or empty we should not despair. Giving up our man-made urns filled with our own ashes is sacred ground. It creates space in our hands to hold on to truth. It becomes a hollow place in your soul that initially feels skin to clothes that are way too big. Your skin may not feel like it sits over your muscles and skeleton very well, but give it time.

So what happens when we stop carrying who we once were?

The soil in our heart is tilled for transformation. Seeds of truth are planted. God’s Spirit living in our inner being makes room to grow the fruits of the Spirit.

When we relinquish shame, God replaces it with love and belonging. We leave the dark urn behind and become vessels of light. When we leave our shackles behind, we walk in freedom. When we stop clinging to fear, we can grab hold of the One who makes us strong and courageous.

Father, we confess we hold on too tightly to the past. We seek your discernment, wisdom, and forgiveness as we move forward. We pray for those who are weary and tired of carrying their burdens from the past into their present. Give us all a renewed passion to walk in the identity you have given. We pray we will participate in your good work. Show us how and when to use our past for the calling you have given us. Open our eyes to see the new thing you are doing in us. May we be filled with the grace, hope, and joy that is from you.

Scripture for Reflection

No weapon forged against you will prevail. You will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me. (Isaiah 54:17, NIV)

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal. 5:1, NIV)

Reach for More

This week’s challenge is to write all your past hurts, shame, and baggage on a piece of paper. Take the list and burn it. Have a glorious fall bonfire or curl up and have a cozy fire in your fireplace. Place your list in the flames, and watch all your old baggage burn away and turn to ash. As the paper burns, ask God to plant his seeds of truth in your heart, and turn those past ashes into beauty for the future.

Please come back and comment on how God spoke to you this week, or share your progress on social media using #tgtreachformore. We would love to hear how you have released who you thought you were and instead embraced the daughter God says you are.

Terri Fullerton is a wife, empty-nest mom, and mentor who loves stories of redemption and things that are funny. She is currently working on her first book. Terri longs to encourage others to find hope and freedom through her writing about faith, family, hiking, and mental health at Conversations at the Table.