Choosing Love

Let’s face it: some people are harder to love than others. Sometimes it’s their personality or behavior, but often those are formed by their story. Someone treated them harshly when they were younger; they had a terrible role model in their mother or father; they were abused; they were orphaned; they were rejected. These things shape who we are as people, so of course our personalities and behavior can be affected.

Jesus shows us many examples of how he feels about people who are harder to love. He shows us with the woman at the well (John 4:1-26), in the calling of Matthew the tax collector (Matthew 9:9), in the story of the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11), and of course in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Jesus went out of his way to find and love those on the margins and those who may have been viewed by society as harder to love.

My husband and I are in the first two years of a church plant. We started with one other family, so it’s what you could call “organic.” We have thirty people who meet in homes. As we discussed what to name the church, God laid the name “Fringe” on our hearts. What a risky name! We knew that if we were going to call our church Fringe (and we mean that both as it relates to what society might view as on the fringe as well as those on the fringes of faith–those who have lost confidence in the church, for example), then we need to depend on God to ensure that is what it becomes! So far, in his graciousness, I think he’s made us a very fringy bunch. We have single moms; we have families; we have racial diversity, diversity of socioeconomic status, and diversity of lifestyle. By God’s grace and through the Spirit’s leading, we are choosing to love all types of people, including those who are different from us.

One of our families is a single mom and her five-year-old son, Kade. Kade’s mom was abused by his father when she was pregnant with him, and the abuse continued into the early months of his life. The majority of the time, Kade is a sweet, fun-loving kid. He loves to play with our other Fringe kids, and he and my son Nathan have a special friendship. There are times, though, when Kade can be really tough. He can throw fits, scream, and yell. He’s a beefy little guy, so he’s getting strong as he ages. Recently, he injured his mother, resulting in a couple of stays for him at the local children’s hospital. He has been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the events that occurred early in his life, and his little self just can’t process it all in a healthy way yet. All avenues are being explored to help him heal.

I’m ashamed to say there was a time in my life when, if I came across Kade and his mother in Target while Kade was having one of his episodes, I would have immediately assumed she was a poor mother who wasn’t giving him proper discipline at home. But having chosen to get to know them and spend time with them, I know Kade’s mother is great with him. I’ve seen her gentle discipline and how calm she is with him.

There are so many things I love about Kade. I especially love what he teaches my children. My kids know Kade has had a hard life. Being friends with him allows them to see that not all kids have a happy, healthy childhood. They know he had a stay in the hospital, and they prayed for him and made him welcome home cards. They’re learning to love well at an early age.

[Tweet “May we not be blinded by personalities or behavior and instead look to the heart.”]

My challenge to all of us is this: choose one person you find challenging to love, and ask the Spirit to show you how to love them well. Try it for a month and see what happens. Maybe the only positive change will be in you, and that’s okay! May we not be blinded by personalities or behavior and instead look to the heart. Jesus always chose to love the heart. Let us follow his example.

Amy Wiebe is a Jesus follower, wife, mom of three, church planter, finance director, and lover of sarcasm and deep conversation with friends. She also loves camping, rafting, skiing, sewing, and having people over. Amy blogs with her husband at fringechurch.com.