You Weren’t Born on Krypton (So Don’t Try To Be Superwoman)

I don’t know about you, but I’m busy. So much so that some days, when people ask me how I am, that’s all I can think to say: busy. I suspect it’s a sign of the times. We live in a world that’s go-go-go. Women today are expected to do so much. We hold down jobs, we keep house, we raise the kids and shuttle them around, and so on.

Then there are the optional responsibilities we take on out of some misplaced sense of necessity. (Pinterest crafts, anyone?) Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for crafts if it’s something you enjoy, but if it’s yet one more way that you’re trying to meet expectations, it’s crossed out of the bounds of fun.

Whenever the topic of busy-ness comes up in Christian circles, it seems inevitable that someone will mention Mary and Martha. You may know the story from Luke 10, where Jesus comes over to the house and Mary sits at Jesus’ feet while Martha is busy in the kitchen trying to get a meal ready. When Martha complains to Jesus, he tells her that Mary has chosen the better course. Generally, the presumed takeaway is that we shouldn’t get caught up in doing, but spend our time communing with the Savior instead.

However, I often feel like Martha gets a bad rap. After all, people needed to eat, and the work needed to get done. I don’t think Jesus was saying it didn’t. I think, more than anything, he was looking at Martha’s heart and comparing it to Mary’s. Martha wasn’t serving out of joy. She was frustrated and caught up in being busy. She needed help. She just didn’t know how to ask for it.

The lesson I think we can all take from Martha is to ask, not whine. I wonder what would have happened if she had gone in and tapped Mary on the shoulder and said, “Hey sis, could you come help me for ten minutes, and then we can both sit at Jesus’ feet when the work’s done?” Would Mary have excused herself and helped? Would Jesus have smiled to see these two sisters working together for his kingdom? There’s no way to know, but I think so.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, stop, take a breath, and look around. Who can you ask for help? [Tweet “Asking for help is so much more productive than whining.”] If you can form a support network, a community of people who will pitch in when you call and who know they can call on you when they need to, the overwhelming busyness of life becomes more manageable.

At the end of the day, I believe conquering the desire to be Superwoman boils down to getting a handle on two things: motivation and priorities. I frequently stop and take a long, serious look at everything on my plate and ask myself, Why am I doing this? If I can’t answer, or if the answer involves some sort of external expectation, it might be wise to shuffle that particular activity off to the side for a time.

Lately I’ve been working to ensure that my commitments are a way for me to give God glory. All other motivations are hollow in comparison. Paul was on to something when he exhorted us to do everything as unto the Lord (see Colossians 3:17).

Focusing on glorifying God makes the next step, identifying priorities, a lot easier as well. My family comes first, and within my family, our number one priority is Jesus. So church and church activities always take precedence over the “want-to-dos.” Beyond that, my husband and I work together to set our family priorities.

This can mean everyone doesn’t always get to do everything they want to do. But we make decisions about sports and activities together, with the understanding that sometimes it’s more important for mom and dad to have sanity in their schedules than for one of the kids to participate in an activity.However you decide to do it, make sure your schedule is intentional. If you aren’t guarding your time, if you’re not consciously in charge of putting everything on the calendar, busyness can rapidly overtake you.

So many days, the phone will ring and it will be someone inviting us out to do one thing or another. If I’m not careful, we’ll spend the whole week running from one appointment to another. Even when those activities are fun, being consistently on the go isn’t good. As overscheduled days turn into overscheduled weeks, the kids get tired, attitudes turn snarky, and my patience thins. The solution? A day—maybe two—at home, with nothing to do but enjoy one another and refocus.

Finally, remember that God created us to need rest. He gave us that example at the end of the creation story in Genesis. We’re to work six days and rest on the seventh. You can’t do it all; none of us can. And there’s no shame in that.

Elizabeth Maddrey is an author of several contemporary Christian romance novels. She is also a wife, mother of two amazing boys, Awana Commander, and beloved daughter of the King. Though her PhD in Computer Science does little to help her succeed in any of those tasks, she owns her nerddom just the same. She blogs at elizabethmaddrey.com.