Why Friendship with Women of All Ages Is Golden

I recently caught a few minutes of an episode of the old Golden Girls sitcom. Educator Dorothy was telling her fellow fifty-something roommates, Blanche and Rose, about having such a great time talking and laughing with younger teachers that day that she forgot about their age difference. Then she was shocked to find an “old woman” in her car’s visor mirror.

I know how she felt. Sometimes it hits me that someone I’m talking to with no regard for our age difference is a lot younger than I am. It’s strange. And the reflection doesn’t lie as I stand before a public mirror, side by side with some random younger woman. There I am, I think, an old(er) woman.

Some of my friends are my age, and we enjoy shared remembrances more often than we would with younger women who don’t have as much living behind them. That’s natural. But I also have friends younger than I am, including some who are the same age as or even younger than my daughter. Friendships with age differences are often a result of being coworkers, teammates, neighbors—or even “thrown together” in some way, just as the Golden Girls women became strangers-turned-housemates out of necessity. No matter the how, whether we’re the older one or the younger one in a friendship, we can benefit.

My first older woman friend was quite a bit older. Next door to the church my father pastored lived a woman who, in my mind’s eye today, was at least eighty. She let me—a four-year-old, introverted little girl—sit on her front porch and talk to her as though I was her friend, not merely a child. I don’t remember what we talked about or her name, but she was indeed my buddy, not a relative or teacher. She didn’t dismiss me because of my age, nor did I dismiss her because of hers. You might be thinking lots of people are kind to children, but I like to think that, in part because of this dear lady, I wasn’t afraid to forge friendships with women older than me as an adult. For instance, I have been blessed with friendships with older women both in workplaces and in the churches my husband pastored.

I don’t remember my first younger friend, but I’m grateful that the women currently in that category haven’t dismissed me as I’ve grown to a “certain age” well ahead of them. They have allowed our friendships to be maintained just as any lasting friendship requires. With some, our common ground is career, and with some it is motherhood, and with still others that common ground is simply the kind of sharing women enjoy when they “click.”Some of the sweetest friendships between women include shared faith. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (NIV). We all need to be sharpened by others in our faith. But what a privilege to be sharpened by a friend who, because of an age difference, offers life experiences, points of view, opinions, and struggles we might not otherwise be exposed to. Questions that might come more typically from younger women can make us sharper in wisdom. Wisdom that might come more typically from older women can make us sharper in understanding.

One of the aspects of the Golden Girls I liked was that Sophia, Dorothy’s mother and the fourth housemate, became true friends with Blanche and Rose—even though she often drove the younger women crazy. “You’ll have to excuse my mother,” Dorothy said. “She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago, which rendered her totally annoying.” And Sophia was well aware of her advanced age compared to the others (“How long is this story? I’m eighty; I have to plan”).

But despite all that, Sophia became one of four women who, even with an age difference among them and all their (often highly inappropriate!) disparaging comments, supported one another completely. Sophia didn’t dismiss her younger housemates as women who couldn’t possibly add to her life, and the younger women didn’t assume the older Sophia had nothing to offer them as a friend. Instead they embraced their unexpected opportunity for friendship, and the women grew to love each other more deeply than they could have ever imagined. (If you want to see the final scene from Golden Girls, with tissues in hand, you’ll find it here.)

Do you know an older or younger woman who could be your next friend? Don’t dismiss her; embrace the opportunity, meet her for coffee or tea, and see what happens. Maybe you’ll have such a good time, you’ll forget all about your age difference.

Jean Kavich Bloom is a champion coffee drinker and mostly productive, pink-bathrobed freelance editor and writer. She does not garden, bake, or knit but says playing Scrabble is exactly the same thing. Jean and her husband, Cal, live in Indiana. They have three children (plus two who married in) and five grandchildren. You can read her blog at bloominwordstoo.blogspot.com.