Bringing Back Sexy . . . to Your Marriage

Note from the Editor: This post has been edited for sensitivity. It originally contained a line that could have been interpreted to suggest that if a woman does not take care of her physical appearance, her husband might be tempted to stray, and that she might be partly responsible because she didn’t make enough effort to keep his attention. This is not God’s truth, and it is not something we wish to convey in any way. Both men and women are responsible for their own integrity in marriage.

If you have ever heard of the “Proverbs 31 woman,” you might know this refers to a virtuous woman described in chapter 31 of the book of Proverbs. She works hard for others, is trusted by her husband, called blessed by her children, beautiful inside and out, clothed with strength and dignity, wise, and talented.

Whoever this nameless Proverbs 31 woman was, she certainly set the bar high for all of us falling in behind her, don’t you agree?

I need to give her props, though. This chick had it going on in the wifey department. Mr. Proverbs 31 was a blessed man, don’t you think?

I imagine she was always prepared to work hard. I picture her probably having on a little lip gloss. Although she worked hard, she wore nice clothes, and her hair was likely well-kept. Her children loved her, and she more than likely had a smile that spread joy to those she met during her day.

Women these days already have a lot to do, and the idea of becoming like this virtuous woman may seem absolutely unachievable. We are always on the go. We have kids, jobs, stress, excess weight, debt, hobbies, clubs, meetings, church, and more. When and how should we make time to be presentable for our husbands? As a matter of fact, you may even be thinking, Why should I be presentable for my husband?

If you’re looking for a post that will encourage your man to go to the gym, eat healthy, dress nice, and use manners to be presentable for you, then sister, you are in the wrong place.

Listen, ladies. The world throws enough junk in the faces of our visually wired husbands every single day. There are beautiful women everywhere, and although it is most assuredly the responsibility of our husbands to guard their eyes, hearts, and minds, I would say it is of equal importance for us to care when we wake up in the morning.

Marriage anniversaries will come and go, and so will our kids, but your spouse will be by your side for the rest of your life. It’s up to us to invest in our marriages, and that includes caring for ourselves.

What does this mean?

For some of us, showers may be a good place to start. Ok, I’m kidding! (I think.) But seriously, good hygiene might include something as simple as a new body spray or lotion. Maybe a pop of nail polish would be something your stud didn’t expect. If you’ve had the same hairstyle for a long time, now might be the perfect time to try something new and sassy!Let’s talk about date night for a second. Date night? What’s that? You haven’t a clue what date night is? Ladies. Surely someone will keep those crazy kids for you so you can rock those cute panties and dusty high heels even if you just go to Wal-Mart and get groceries together, for crying out loud!

Make out in the van on the way home while you’re at it!

What does your man love most? If he thinks a gym date is hot, then lace up, ladies. If he is a lingerie lover, then suck those stretch-marked bellies in and own it! Might I add, if you’re wearing lingerie, you’ll be the only one worried about those stretch marks. I promise.

When you hear his car pull in the driveway after a long day of work, roll on some of that new lip gloss and spritz yourself with body spray. Through the chaos of your own busy day, let your kids see you stop what you’re doing and put daddy first. Our men do not need us to have surgery, kill ourselves at the gym, or subsist on kale, but they appreciate it when we make an effort to care for ourselves. Men are visual creatures, and a wife’s effort to look attractive can make her husband feel loved and valued.

We could all use a little reminder to make sure daddy feels like a husband first and foremost.

Kiss every single day. Period. This one is non-negotiable. Brush your teeth before bed, and carry gum or mints in your purse for a spontaneous kissable moment! Because why not?

Have sex. Yeah, I said it. No one is asking you to become a porn star, but having a good, healthy sex life with your husband helps build a strong, healthy marriage. Surprise him every now and then! Let’s give our fellas something to look forward to.

Finally, if your marriage is in a difficult place right now and these things are just not an option, sister no shame! Find a mentor or counselor you can trust and take the steps needed to bring healing to your marriage.

I long to be a wife who takes good care of her temple, not only to glorify her creator but also to please her spouse. [Tweet “For years to come, may we be women who shine from the inside out.”]

 Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. ~Song of Songs 1:1

Rachel Van Hook was born and raised in the Casey Jones capital city of Jackson, Tennessee. She’s mom to three girly girls, married to her church camp sweetie, and passionate about . . . well, according to her husband, she’s just passionate! Rachel blogs at racheljvanhook.com.