Raising Godly Kids

I cringed as my nine-year-old slouched in his chair, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face, while the worship music played. He wasn’t worshiping with us–again. I sang anyway, trying to ignore the self-recriminations that ran through mind for allowing him to remain in such an attitude during worship time.

Later, as I approached the Sunday school classroom to pick up my boy, I saw that the teacher wore a scowl.

This couldn’t be good.

She pulled me aside as she spoke. “Your son had a difficult day. We had to have a talk about listening, respect, and attitude.”

Inwardly, I sighed.

It’s a talk we have been having frequently in regard to his behavior at home too. I was mortified that this season of disrespect was now evidenced outside our home–and of all places, at church.

I felt as if I had failed as a parent. My child was supposed to be good. My child was supposed to listen. My child was supposed to be kind and respectful. My child was supposed to be successful.

Focusing too much on the achievements of our children can lead to a sense that we ourselves are God, that we are in control, that we alone are responsible for our children’s accolades. When we allow this, our security and value rest in our own wisdom, strength, and performance, rather than the Lord’s.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to produce “successful” kids. There is no question that parenting requires a lot of hard work, but what exactly is our role in the process?

Paul explains the role of a teacher in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7. As parents we are our children’s greatest teachers. Parents are God’s representatives in the family, and that role is crucial. In the end, however, we have to surrender the results to God because he causes the growth. He will grow our children into his design.

My desire as a parent is to witness my son grow in wisdom, strength, obedience, and love. I want him to know that he is loved and valued regardless of his behavior. Still, there are moments when behavior has to be addressed and realigned to God’s ways and expectations.

My job is to teach my son the ways of the Lord through my own life. The decisions and actions I make every day reveal the Father’s heart to my son. How I react to disobedience. How I lead him to repentance rather than forcing him will garner deeper, more fruitful results.

Yet I must admit, there is a small part of me that wants to take control and force him to do my will. I find myself teetering dangerously close to reacting out of frustration because secretly, I also want the performance. I don’t want to be accosted again by the Sunday school teacher and told my son was less than who Christ made him to be.

So I pray.

I pray he has an encounter with God that leaves him changed so it will become his desire to please God with obedience. Not out of fear, but out of love.

And I pray for myself.

I pray for mercy, grace, and compassion to flood my soul. I pray for opportunities to continue conversations with my son. I pray I am teaching him as the Lord leads. I pray I trust Jesus more with my firstborn.

Later that same evening, we attended a worship night at our church. My son asked to come with us. I thought about leaving him home as a consequence of his earlier behavior. I was glad I didn’t.

He intently watched the singers. He even sang a bit. There was no scowl on his face. Despite the earlier reprimands, he leaned into me, searching for comfort, desiring my love.

My heart lightened. The Lord whispered a truth to me that I desperately needed to hear after the morning’s disappointments: “I am your teacher. I am teaching you true worship. I am teaching you real love. I am teaching you obedience in all these things, and you will learn in your own unique way, timing, and experience. The same is true for your son. The best teaching you can show him in this moment is to love him where he is and give him grace, as I have given it to you.”

I realized that in my desire for my son to be obedient, I forgot I am still learning to be obedient myself. Obedience takes a lifetime to learn. I lacked grace in my teaching of my son. I reacted out of my desire for him to perform rather than the desire for him to know he is loved and accepted.

I gave into the pressure of success and focused on the momentary disobedience of the last few weeks rather than the lifetime of learning ahead of us.

It becomes easier to give grace when you are in need of grace.

I apologized and asked my boy for forgiveness for my harsh reactions that morning. He responded by snuggling in deeper and asking for forgiveness for himself. Success.

While it is difficult to let go of our designs for our children and surrender them to God, it is God’s will that they grow less and less dependent on us and more and more dependent on him. [Tweet “We can’t force our kids to be godly, but we can be godly parents and show them how to live.”]

Brianna George is a speaker, teacher, and missionary as well as a part-time writer and full-time encourager. She lives in central Tennessee with her husband of twelve years, two spicy little boys, and Bosa the boxer. More of her writing can be found at unveiledandrevealed.com.