How to Tell a Friend She Wears Motherhood Well

One of the many happy/sad things that comes with military life is all the amazing people you meet and eventually say goodbye to. About eight months ago, I met this sweet, sweet mama named Amber. She first saw me in the commissary with all four of my sons. Yes, I have four sons. My baby was in the carrier, my toddler was in the cart, and my two big boys were walking around the store helping me out with the shopping. I don’t take all four of them grocery shopping very often because it is always a lesson in patience for all of us.

Amber saw us at the front of the store, and then she ended up in front of us in the checkout line. She finished checking out and started to walk away, but then turned around and caught my eye. “I just want to tell you that you wear motherhood well,” she said. She then said something about how she was not quite where she wanted to be with her kids, so she never brought them grocery shopping.

What a compliment! I must have had my patience A-game on that day. I love my boys beyond the moon, but you can probably imagine that four boys can give a mama a run for her money sometimes. Especially at the grocery store, where they constantly ask for treats and chips and things I know they would not even like. Anyway, I am sure I flushed with pleasure at Amber’s words. Don’t we all want to give the impression we have it all together? The truth is, I don’t. But I do love those boys, and I love being their mama.

Some time later, I took my boys to the splash park in our neighborhood. And there was Amber, sitting on a bench, watching her boys play. She looked familiar, but it took me a minute to realize she was the lady from the commissary. And she was just amazing with her two little guys. We chatted while our kids played, and I probably nursed the baby at some point. You know you are comfortable with someone when you can get business done right after you’ve met. I point this out because I am a lot less precious with my fourth boy than I was with my first. He doesn’t like to be covered, and I don’t blame him. Hawaii is hot. But I felt like I could be myself with the delightful woman sitting next to me.

As I watched Amber with her kids, I realized that whatever inadequacy she felt about her mothering was a complete lie. She was doing a fabulous job with them! Her boys were healthy, happy, and they were outside at a park with their mama! Our kids don’t need us to do all the things. They don’t need us to match the top-rated parenting or mothering book on the market. They just need us to bring our gifts to the table, and in giving our gifts, we help them understand that they, too, have gifts to bring to the table–gifts that will make the world a better place.

Amber and I parted that day as friends, and of course, we became Facebook friends. I am sad to say we didn’t do more than that. I know we would have enjoyed one another, but we were both deep in the crazy day-to-day of life with our littles. I think we both instinctively knew that life was just busy, and it was about all we could do to stay afloat at the time. There were no hard feelings. We ran into each other occasionally and enjoyed chatting, but we never really got further than that.

Amber recently left Hawaii to go on to a new base with her family. We happened to see one another again before she left. She is having another baby, a third boy. We definitely would have had a lot to talk about, but Facebook will have to do from here on out.

I know Amber will do great things, and I can honestly say she wears motherhood well. I got to know her well enough to see that about her.

[Tweet “As mamas, we all want to know and hear that we “wear motherhood well.””] So let’s stop when we see a mama doing her best and acknowledge that she is where God means for her to be, whatever her picture looks like. We can encourage each other in the brief moments we are together, taking the time to really see each other.  I have lived on Amber’s compliment for a long time. I look back and I am so very thankful she took the time that day to see that I was trying to have a good time with my kids, trying to be patient, trying to love them in the middle of an ordinary day at the grocery store.

Carla Clemens enjoys a crazy, beautiful life with her military husband and four sons. A baby and toddler interrupt her homeschool days in the best ways, and she is always attempting to live mindfully of each moment. She hopes to look at the world and each person in it in light of our amazing Creator, and therefore, to see each moment presented as an opportunity to love and serve him more. Carla relishes time to ponder God’s Word and have quiet moments with him and her coffee. She loves doing life with other mamas and encouraging them to simply be who God has made them to be.