Confidence Is Silent; Insecurities Are Loud

Last summer my family and I were traveling in the car for what seemed like ages. We took a sanity break partway through the trip, because if I heard “Are we almost there?” one more time, I was going to lose it.

The truck stop we chose had a fun little area with cute retro items and handmade signs, and I came across a sign that stopped me in my tracks. Never before had I seen more powerful truth in the middle of nowhere! It read:

[Tweet ““Confidence is silent; insecurities are loud.””]The sign nailed it!

I like to think I am confident in all areas of my life, but if I evaluate the times I have been “loud” I see little insecurities making themselves known. When my patience is short, my words become sharp, and when I have a full-blown adult jealousy tantrum, it becomes obvious that my heart is insecure. Insecurity doesn’t come only from not feeling pretty enough or smart enough; insecurities come from deep within.

Insecurity is the manifestation of feeling less than, worthless, not good enough, and unlovable at the core of my being. When I am insecure about who I am, what I bring to the table, how my life is perceived from the outside, and my overall worth, I have all the ingredients needed to whip up a poisonous meal for myself to feast on. I say and do hurtful things; I become jealous, manipulative, and even cruel. These are just the symptoms of insecurity, though. The causes for my lack of self-confidence are much deeper: doubt and failure to trust God.

When we are insecure, we often doubt God’s ability to provide for us. We even believe he might not have enough resources to go around. We see our friends catching all the breaks, extended family members bringing in bigger paychecks, or an acquaintance with no shortage of anything and we fear God’s resources are finite and he is using them all up on others! We become jealous, bitter, and fearful. We are like scared animals, attacking anyone who gets close!

I remember a dear friend of mine who caught all the breaks. Whatever she wanted, she would ask for, and everyone would bend over backward to give it her. It made me angry. I became bitter. Why did everyone give in to her every desire? Didn’t they see she was just using them? How could everyone be so blind to her ways? But if I am truthful, I have to admit I can look back and see I was incredibly jealous and I was fearful. I was afraid she was going to get everything (the friends, the cool things, the boys, the attention) and I would be left with nothing. And so, in my fear, I began to attack. Attacked her ways, attacked others for their generosity, attacked, attacked, attacked!

Insecurity also comes from not trusting God. When I don’t trust who he says he is, his goodness, or his love for me, I grow incredibly insecure. It is impossible to both trust God and be insecure. The two are like oil and water. When we are lacking in trust, our insecurities run rampant. When we trust, though, we are at peace, we are calm, and we can be quiet. Our insecurities are loud and bring attention to us. When our confidence comes from God, we can be still, silent, and give God all the attention.

Philippians 4:19 promises, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (NIV). God has shown me time and time again that he is a trustworthy God. I do not need to doubt him or be fearful of his resources being limited. He is a good God, and if I can trust him and his goodness, then I, too, can be silent in my confidence in the Provider!

Brandy Lidbeck is a licensed marriage and family therapist living in Northern California with her husband and three children. She is passionate about both truth and humor, and if she can get them both in the same conversation, it’s a win/win. She blogs at sipofbrandy.com for fun and thegiftofsecond.com for those impacted by a loved one’s suicide.