Appreciating the Now with Kids

In my current stage of life, I’m realizing how fast this parenting gig really goes.

Both of my kids are headed straight for major transitions, which means I am too. One is about to enter middle school and the other high school. I’m becoming acutely aware that my days with them are numbered.

At this moment, I have 1,528 days until my son graduates from high school and 2,623 days until my daughter graduates from middle school. That seems like a lot of days—until I realize I started with 6,570. Even more incomprehensible is that I’ve already had 5,041 days with my son. I almost can’t believe it.

I am simultaneously trying to relive the past and hoping for their futures. I question the sum of their lives so far and wonder if I’ve done enough to let them know how dearly they are loved, how I genuinely admire the people they are becoming. I catch myself panicking that I have so few days left. I don’t want to let worry over how little time I still have consume me to the point that I don’t enjoy being with them. I absolutely do not want to let fear run the clock. Instead, I want to savor this time with them while continuing the work of raising great kids. In fact, knowing I can sharpens my focus so I can intentionally get the most from my time with them.

Yet it can be incredibly difficult to appreciate the now when I start thinking about what more we must do to prepare them to be adults in the world. I ask myself endless questions: What are they going to be when they grow up? What college are they going to attend? Will they be good people? Will they find love? Yes, there is work to be done and questions to be answered, but I don’t need to focus on counting the days or trying to fill them up with what’s left to do. [Tweet “I just need to let today be today, and tomorrow be tomorrow.”]No day is guaranteed and today won’t come again (James 4:14 NIV).

I treasure this awareness because it lets me choose how I spend my time with them. Many of my well-meaning friends and family who are several steps ahead of me in parenting have said, “Appreciate the time you have with them; it goes by so quickly.” Now I find myself giving the same good-hearted advice. It really does go by fast, but being intentional allows me to create meaning and use my time wisely. I’m trying to make the most of every moment, not foregoing “teachable moments” (much to my kids’ irritation). This is the time to make sure I tell them, and show them, what great, remarkable people I think they are. This is no time to leave them guessing.

One lasting impression I want to make on my kids is how important it is to have fun. We don’t need to go on an extravagant, expensive dream vacation to have fun. I simply need to create happy, lasting memories as I take the time to enjoy these faces I adore. I laugh when I’m doing something in the kitchen that is annoyingly silly to my kids. I jokingly say, “One day you’re going to think back on this moment and it will make you laugh too.” Taking the time for fun or silliness might ease the burden of transition for us all later, with no regrets when the inevitable good-bye happens as they leave for college or for whatever the future holds for them. My kids don’t need to know I’m feeling the weight of their growing pains; they only need to know I feel the joy of them.

One more thing: I find humor in how God reminds me to keep what he’s put on my heart on my radar. Days after I wrote this piece, a friend posted a countdown photo of her kids’ graduation dates on Instagram. Her photo was from an app called the Legacy Countdown. The app says, “When you see how much time you have left, you tend to do more with the time you have now.” That’s what I want to do—more with the time I have. If you want to do the same with your children or another youth with whom you have influence, I highly recommend the app. It will not only save you the work of whipping out your calculator and figuring out the number of days you have left, but it will help you make those weeks, days, minutes, and even seconds count.

Aubrey Stout is a wife and mom living in the suburbs of Atlanta, determined to extend grace to everyone she meets. She cherishes time with her family, enjoys conversations with friends, and taps into her creative side when an idea strikes. She blogs at acceptingaubrey.blogspot.com.