Why Praying for Ourselves Is Self Care, Not Selfish

I stand at the sink, watching the sun come up over the horizon, thinking about my long to-do list for the day. I am a child of God, a wife, and a mother, in that order; a daughter, a friend, and a mentor. I have more than one job, more than one obligation. My dishes need to be washed, the laundry needs to be folded, and the floor isn’t going to mop itself. I wonder how much I can get done before the family starts to trickle in. After a long drink of hot coffee, I deeply inhale the morning.

A rooster crows in the barn, and I snap out of my daze. First I must spend some time with the Father. Opening my journaling Bible, I read my favorite verses in Matthew 25. Then I write what I am thinking, praying I can be a sheep and not a goat. I want to be on the right side of Jesus when that moment comes and the sorting begins.

Then, like many mornings, I write out my prayer list and get to work—praying, crying, going deeper with my Lord. After a while I am exhausted, but not from physical work. My exhaustion comes from praying for others: my husband, children, and family. Specific requests from various individuals and groups, like church, my women’s group, and some friends. When I finish, I breathe a sigh of relief.

I also come to a realization: I have forgotten how to take care of myself.

I haven’t had a haircut in months. I do my own nails, I mask my own face, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I had a massage. So busy taking care of other people and things, I have forgotten me.

I used to love pampering myself. I loved getting a wash, cut, and style. Even when the kids were small, I made the time to go get coffee, read a book, or take a walk. I found snippets of time when I could relax on my own. These days I seem to have forgotten how to do that, as though I don’t have needs. Yet I have spiritual needs that run deep. I definitely have needs in the physical area—I have rheumatoid arthritis. I have emotional needs my husband nurtures as best he can.

When I make a list of things I have been neglecting to do for myself, I realize the biggest is prayer. Yes, I commune with my Father early every morning with coffee, my Bible, and my pen, but I don’t pray for myself. Not ever. I don’t even really ask for prayer, with the exception of superficial things, like work environment or financial peace. I don’t go to the Father on my own behalf anymore.

Maybe I think he is tired of the same ol’ grumbling. Maybe I am worried that if I am praying for myself, then I am not praying for someone else who needs prayer or has asked for it. What if I am just afraid? When we’re talking to God, most of us don’t expect to get a verbal response, but we do expect some kind of answer. My fear is if I ask him for help, his reply won’t be what I want. Will he answer me, or will he ask something big of me, and I won’t know what to do with it? Whatever will I do then?

I need to figure out why I stopped taking care of my own needs. I need some quiet down time to consider all the ways I can take care of myself. We all need to commune with God without the demands of a list or strategy. I simply need to learn how to pray for myself.

Angie Dailey lives in rural Ohio with her husband and family. She spends her best and most important time with the Creator of the Universe and with her family. She loves coffee, Jesus, and gardening, but not necessarily in that order. Angie blogs at angiedailey.com.